


My Fate In Your Hands (Like A Tiny Bird)

by iknewaman



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alien Biology, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, F/M, Government, Humor, M/M, parks and recreation AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 13:48:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9237734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iknewaman/pseuds/iknewaman
Summary: Jim loves his department. The Parks and Recreation team are a bunch of beautiful, hard-working, dedicated people, and he's proud of the wonderful work each and every one of them puts forth.He’s therefore fuckingpissedwhen it’s announced that the city council has come to a gridlock and the government has sent down a team of state auditors to look over their budget.That is never a good thing. Ever.A/N: You don't need to have seen Parks & Rec to understand this story, it explains itself along the way





	

**Author's Note:**

> I do not nor will I ever own Star Trek.

“What?!”

“Calm down, Jim.”

“I will _not_ calm down.”

“Jim, please.” Bones sighs.

“I can’t believe this!” Jim fumes, pacing the floor. “I give my whole life to this department, I pour my heart and soul into it, and this is how they thank us?!”

Bones rubs at his temples, lamenting Jim’s fiery passion. For once, it was unwelcome.

“Jim, I already told you. The city council has encountered a crippling gridlock. They can’t do anything other than postpone all planning and spending decisions indefinitely. We’re essentially bordering on a full-blown crisis.” He explains, feeling tired.

Jim whirls on him, eyes blazing. “We get like three of those a day, we can handle them!”

“This is not something we can take care of, and you know it.”

Jim scoffs.

Bones clenches his jaw, reminding himself that Jim actually makes work easier to deal with. Usually. “The situation is so severe that even the state government got involved.”

“Not the state government.” Jim moans.

Bones nods, feeling his friend’s sympathy. Even though the situation calls for it that doesn’t meant Bones has to like it. Sure, he works in a government building, but that’s only so that he can dismantle it from the inside. Jim, on the other hand, loves his job as deputy director, and is constantly trying his best to outdo not only himself but everyone else too. 

They really should not work as well as they do together.

“They’re sending a team of state auditors over to try and solve this budget problem.” He tells Jim, and prepares for the incoming wail.

“State auditors?!”

Yep, there it is.

“What is state auditor?” A voice pipes up.

Jim and Bones both turn to its source, finding Chekov leaning against the doorframe with a cup of steaming coffee in his hands.

Bones narrows his eyes at the kid. “That door was closed.”

Chekov gives a not-so-sincere shrug. “Perhaps wind blew it open.”

Well that’s clearly bullshit, because Bones knows damn well all the windows in this department are closed in order to preserve the heat in the building.

“Let’s not worry about technicalities.” Chekov waves away. “Let’s talk about state auditors that are coming to town. What are they?”

Chekov is the youngest in the Parks and Recreation department, as well as the most recent addition, having been interning here for four months now. The kid is as sharp as a whistle, but it’s his first foray into the government sector meaning that he’s still getting the hang of the terminology used at work.

“They’re assholes who come down here to slash and burn.” Jim tells him promptly, but the tail end of it is drowned out by Bones as he speaks over him.

“They’re people who check the financial records of the state and make sure that the accounts are being managed correctly.”

“Is what you think.” Jim fires back, crossing his arms in a huff.

“Jim, I swear to God,” Bones tells his friend, holding up his fingers a small distance apart, “My patience with you is _this thin_.”

“Bones, you gotta send them away.” Jim argues, not heeding the man’s words.

“I can’t, Jim. State auditors only come to cities or towns when the situation is extremely dire, and since they were sent by the governor it means they outrank everyone. I’m sorry to say, but we can’t fight them.”

“Are they—” Chekov begins, then breaks off. He looks between Jim and Bones, his eyes growing big. ”Are they going to fire people?”

“No!” Jim denies immediately. “No, absolutely not! They’ll have to get through me first if they even think about trying it. We’re all too valuable to the team, there’s no way we can have anyone removed.”

“But people might get fired?” Chekov asks.

Jim thins his lips, and Bones decides to take over.

“Possibly.” He says.

A sudden hush falls over the three of them, and Bones can tells Jim is struggling between reassuring Chekov that everything will be fine and not lying. Bones understands to some extent— the not wanting to lie bit, that is; he’s got no time for placating people.

“I will inform team.” Chekov tells them suddenly, then turns on his heel.

Bones and Jim immediately jump into action, hurrying after the guy with joint shouts of, “Chekov, no!”

*

Jim had been bemoaning the news about the state auditors so badly that it had driven Bones damn near crazy, so he did what he always did when Jim was having a personal temper tantrum.

He took him by the collar and dragged him down to Risa’s bar.

It didn’t stop Jim from despairing, but at least Bones had a beer in his hand now.

“This is going to be _awful_ ,” Jim moans. “It’s going to be terrible. They’re going to mess up the budget and we can’t do anything about it.”

Bones hums in reply, taking a sip of his beer.

Jim turns to him with an accusing glare. “You’re not even a little bit bothered by this, are you?”

“You’re wrong,” Bones retorts, shaking his head. “I am a little worried, but I recognise a situation where I can’t do anything to help, and this is one of them.”

“You can at least try.” Jim pouts.

“Won’t do any good,” Bones tells him. The guy could never just accept a dire situation for what it was, needing to fight tooth and nail until the very end. “Listen, Jim. When these state auditors arrive, I need you to not… completely lose your shit. Alright? I need you to act professionally and represent our department well. You need to be cordial, and respectful, and under no circumstance are you allowed to insult them.”

“Bones,” Jim starts, and Bones can recognise that he’s gearing up for an argument.

“I picked you to be the department’s Deputy Director for a reason, Jim. Prove to me I made the right choice.” He declares softly.

Jim falls silent.

Their first meeting had been strange to say the least.

Bones had been holding interviews for a new deputy director since the previous one had moved to FNU II due to their spouse’s job. Bones can’t even remember their name, he just remembers they never spoke and it had been amazing. The only time they really communicated was via e-mail. When the person had left Bones had felt a bit despondent about it, but he’d been told he needed to find a new deputy director immediately or one would be appointed to him.

Fuck that, Bones had thought. If he was forced to spend five days a week working with someone at a job he was trying to destroy, he was damn well going to make sure he could stand the person. 

He’d held a string of interviews, one after another, and he recalls the latest interviewee walking out with drooping shoulders which had filled Bones with some sort of pride. He’d just called in the next interviewee, thinking he was going to get someone just as fresh-faced and eager to please their boss type of person as the previous one, and had prepared himself to completely and utterly eviscerate them.

What get got was a young, blond man bursting into his office, folders in hand, a projector, and an already prepared PowerPoint presentation along with buckets of enthusiasm. The man had immediately started in on why he was perfect for the job, providing pie charts, references, and a section on his hopes and aspirations within and outside the department as examples. Once he’d finished his speech ten minutes later Bones had just looked at him in stunned silence and said, “You’re hired.”

And so it came to be that Jim Kirk became the deputy director in Leonard McCoy’s Parks and Recreation department.

He was truly the best of the best, as well as the most annoying thing on two legs when worked up about something.

Bones peers at Jim, seeing how the kid’s just staring down at the bar counter with a morose expression.

Eventually he sighs, and picks up his beer. “I’ll try. But only for you, babe.”

Bones lets a snort. He doesn’t know whether to trust those words since the kid is known for having outrageous levels of morally righteous passion, but still he holds out his own beer to clink against Jim’s.

*

Jim is not happy about these developments.

He is not happy about having to meet with the state auditors who are coming in to probably _wreck_ his department’s budget. 

He absolutely _hates_ it.

But, he has prior experience of sitting through countless meetings with people he doesn’t like with a smile on his face. There’s no reason he can’t do it now either. Even if the people who are coming in are essentially going to be tearing his family apart.

 _He can do this_.

Bones has gathered the entire department to greet the state auditors, and Jim has no idea why. If it were up to him he’d keep them all away as to protect them. He wouldn’t want them to be present when they meet the enemy.

“Jim, be nice.” Bones tells him.

“I haven’t done anything.” Jim returns, chancing a glance at Bones.

“You’ve been glaring at the entrance as if you’re trying to start a fire in it.”

Jim’s shoulders tense.

Alright, fine. So he might have been relentlessly staring at the entryway for the past ten minutes, intending to catch the enemies as they come in. He can’t afford to let his guard down, not now.

“You going to war or something, Jimmy?” Uhura jests, leaning back against her desk.

“Don’t encourage him.” Bones mutters to her, and in reply she rolls her eyes. If there was one person in the department who Bones didn’t actively try to control it was Uhura, and it was a damn wise decision since she would’ve probably murdered him otherwise. Not literally, but figuratively. 

Uhura was one of only two people who was constantly on top of their game, the other being Jim. The only difference between them was that Jim was a bit too neurotic— and that word was used loosely— and Uhura had the ability of making everything naturally fall into place. Jim was sure it must’ve been witchcraft of some sorts, but he wasn’t going to call her out on it because she was damn good at her job.

All of a sudden two suits walk through the door, and Jim straightens up. 

They’re both decked out in grey suits, with one of them wearing a red tie and the other a black one. One of them is clearly Asian, and has a bright grin already in place, whereas the other one has an unfortunate bowl haircut and pointed ea—

Pointed ears.

Fuck, they’re a Vulcan.

“Hi! I’m Hikaru Sulu,” The Asian one introduces themselves, then gestures back at the other suit. “And this here is Spock.”

“Just Spock?” Bones asks. Jim’s glad he asked it because he was thinking the same thing.

“It would be too strenuous for you to pronounce my entire name, as it is Vulcan.” The suit— _Spock_ — replies.

Jim scowls. He already had a bad feeling about this being because they were Vulcan, well known within governments as being valuable assets, but only if they were on your side. But now, from that comment alone, he finds himself even more miffed with them.

“Let us try it.” Uhura speaks up. “It’s only respectful that we give it a go.”

The Vulcan’s eyes flicker over to Uhura, and they seem to hesitate briefly before revealing, “My name is S’chn T’gai Spock.”

“ _Ish-veh tor wuh sanosh tor ragel-tor du, S’chn T’gai Spock._ ”. Uhura pronounces flawlessly.

Jim has no idea what she said, but judging by the widening of Spock’s eyes he knows he got his ass handed to him. Serves him right for underestimating their girl. 

Bones gestures back to Uhura, “This is our Communications Officer and head of our Customer Services unit, Nyota Uhura. But please, call her Uhura. That gentleman over there is Montgomery Scott, our Marketing and Advertising director, and that’s our intern, Pavel Chekov. This one over here is my Deputy Director, Jim Kirk, and I’m the Head of the whole department, Leonard McCoy.”

Hikaru points a finger at Bones’ face, and repeats, “Leonard… McCoy. Excellent name.”

“Thanks.” Bones says dryly, dubiously eyeing the finger.

“You can call him ‘Bones’, that’s his nickname.” Jim interjects.

Hikaru turns to Jim with a look of pure and adulterated joy. “I love it.”

Jim feels a lop-sided smile coming on. This guy’s pretty funny, if a bit odd. He can work with odd.

“Shall we proceed with the budget evaluation?” Spock asks, and Jim’s good mood instantly evaporates.

“Yes, that’s a good idea. If you…” Bones throws them a look, raising an eyebrow.

Jim doesn’t know what the guy is asking, but clearly the two suits do because they reply in unison, “Male.”

Bones nods once. “Right, then if you gentlemen would just follow me right through to our conference room, we can discuss the department’s budget there.”

“Sure thing, but before you do that, I’d like to speak to your department for a minute.” Hikaru says with that ever-present smile.

“Um… sure.” Bones says uncertainly. Jim can’t smother the smirk that makes its way onto his lips. This Hikaru guy is really throwing Bones for a spin, especially since he’s so used to dealing with other grumpy upper-rank people who stress over being in charge of people, not cheery strangers.

Hikaru turns to the group as a whole, and loudly declares, “Alright, people! As you probably know, because I’m sure your very good head of department and deputy director have told you, we are state auditing consultants here from the state budget office from Yorktown. Now that’s just a title, so you shouldn’t be too scared. What that simply means is that we are here to tinker with your budget.”

Jim feels suddenly uneasy.

Hikaru continues on, unaware of his worry. “Think of the government as a broken down carousel; we’re gonna slap on a new coat of paint, we’re gonna fix that broken speaker system, and we are gonna get those happy kids back up on the horses where they belong! Okay?”

Jim slowly nods. That doesn’t sound too bad. “Okay.”

“That’s all you’ve got for me?” Hikaru asks, throwing him a wink.

Jim lets out a chuckle, and he says it again, louder and with the others joining in, “Okay!”

Hikaru claps his hands together. “Great! That’s what I want to hear! Sadly I do need to go talk to your city council first, which means I can’t be part of the budget meeting, but my partner Spock here is going to stick around to help with the carousel.” He smiles at them knowingly, which actually garners a few chuckles. 

Jim finds his smile widening. This was good.

Hikaru turns on his heel, but stops to point at each individual person in the team as he speaks, “Goodbye, goodbye, see yous pal, Прощай, and…” He pauses at Uhura, his face taking on an uncertain look.

“Kwaheri,” Uhura fills in, smiling kindly.

“Kwaheri.” Hikaru finishes with a grin, then walks out of the room with a wave.

There’s barely time for a hush to fall over the room when Scotty announces, “Well, that was kind of racist.”

Everyone in the room turns to him. 

“What?” Uhura asks.

“How he assumed you weren’t from the U.S.” He clarifies.

“I’m not from the U.S.” She tells him, frowning.

“Aye, but he _assumed_. Based on what?”

“Maybe because my desk has a giant Rwandan flag hanging off of it.”

“Oh.” Scotty notes. “But how’d he know it was your desk?”

“Alright guys, keeps the lovers spat outside of the workplace, will you?” Jim tells them, a teasing lilt to his voice.

Spock clears his throat.

Shit. He forgot the guy was there.

Jim turns to Spock and sees he’s already staring at him. “If we may now proceed?”

*

The conference room is silent. Uncomfortably so.

The only sound is that of Spock rearranging his PADDs, sifting through his documents without speaking a word. He and Bones are sat opposite him at the long table, simply watching as the guy does his thing. Jim feels antsy from the quietude surrounding him, pulling at the cuffs of his suit. Bones throws him a disapproving look, but he can’t help it. 

It’s _too_ quiet.

He ventures out by telling Spock, “I really like your shirt.”

“I would like to talk about where you personally consider there to be waste within your department.” Spock says immediately, as if he hasn’t even heard Jim’s compliment.

Both Jim and Bones snort.

“There is none.” Jim says plainly, just as Bones drawls, “Where to start?”

They quickly share a scornful look, then turn back to Spock.

“What exactly will you be cutting, and how much of it?” Bones asks instead, melting back into seriousness.

Spock ignores the question and swipes open a different PADD. “Let us begin with personnel.”

Jim holds back a frustrated sigh. 

This… this isn’t going good.

With Hikaru he’d felt like they had the same thing in mind, that they could successfully work together and fix this. The whole carousel example was gold, Jim loved that. 

But with Spock… with Spock he oscillates between feeling on edge and jumping on the defensive.

“What can you tell me about… Montgomery Scott?” The guy asks.

“He is one of the greatest people in this country, as well as his home country of Scotland. In fact, the whole world. He’s irreplaceable, and if you fired him there would be public outrage.” Jim retorts stiffly.

Bones shoots him a warning glance. “Jim.”

Jim ignores it, resolutely keeping his eyes on Spock.

“Mr. Kirk, you must understand that in order to keep this town from falling into multi-million dollar debt, the minimum that is required of us is to cut the budget of every department by 40% to 50%.” Spock explains in a detached tone.

The number punches the air out of Jim’s gut. 

That is… too much. _Way too much_.

“Yes, well, Hikaru said that you just had to ‘tinker’ with the budget.” He argues, offering a poor imitation of a smile. He’s really not feeling positive about this budget work anymore.

“It is a much more preferable phrase to use than ‘we must discard of nearly half of each department’s budget’.”

Jim stares at him in stunned silence. After a moment he announces, “You’re a jerk.”

“Pardon?” Spock asks, lifting an eyebrow.

“Jim.” Bones’ eyes flash over to him, a silent warning in them.

“These are real people, you know. Actual living beings with lives, and jobs that they adore and need in order to survive.” Jim tells Spock, growing heated.

“And these altercations will help them sustain themselves.” The guy replies.

“Like fuck they will.” Jim snaps.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh my God, Jim.” Bones groans, covering his face with his hands.

“You waltz in here, with your fancy suit and many, _many_ PADDs, and just expect us to roll over and let you handle the finances of this town? No! Fuck that! You don’t know anything about Enterprise!” Jim snarls sharply.

“I can assure you Mr. Kirk, that I have been forwarded the relevant and appropriate documents in connection to this town and its activities.” Spock retorts, sudden underlying steel in his voice.

“What you got is words on paper. You have no idea about the people in this town, about who they are or what they do.”

“I do not care about such things, as to me they are nothing more than figures. When the numbers fall, I attempt to make them rise once more, and when they rise, I know I have done my job.” Spock states calmly.

Jim is absolutely _seething_. His body is trembling with rage, and all of it is directed at the one asshole sitting across from him.

“Mr. Kirk, you seem to think that I am the villain in this scenario—“

“Which you are.” Jim snarls.

“—But the fact of the matter is that I did not cause these problems in your town. Your government did.”

An abrupt silence falls over the room. It’s almost, _almost_ as uncomfortable as the one at the start of the session, except that the tension this time around could strangle all three occupants of the room.

Jim’s glaring so hard at Spock he’s surprised the guy hasn’t combusted. 

No, instead he just sits there, returning Jim’s gaze head on.

*

“…and so I want you all to be rest assured that we’ll handle it.”

A hush stretches between them all. The entire team is gathered in the main room where Jim has taken on the task of giving them the talk-through on what happened in the conference room.

Finally, Uhura pipes up. “It’s bad, huh?”

“No. No, no, no, I just said that we’ll handle it.” Jim reassures her.

“You only talk to us like we’re breakable when something bad has happened.”

“Or is going to happen.” Chekov adds in.

Jim’s shoulders sag. They’re too damn perceptive.

“I…” He says weakly, then stops. He has no idea what to say.

“Okay, change of topic.” Bones interjects, stepping up beside Jim. He’s been watching as his friend gave the speech to the team, not comfortable with this whole ‘consoling’ nonsense.

Jim throws him an irritated look. “Now? We’re kind of in the middle of something here, Bones.”

Bones ignores him, and ploughs on. “As you all know, Christopher Pike was hospitalised last week when he fell off of Barrett’s roof.”

The entire team perk up.

Pike was Enterprise’s DIY man, known from one end of the town to the other as the guy who had been around since before the dawn of the century (probably), always with a toolbox in hand and an offer to help those in need. Well, as long as it involved anything carpentry-related.

“Why are you bringing this up now?” Jim asks, curious.

“Because, I want you all to think up of a way to help him.”

“Help the lad how? We’re no doctors.” Scotty interjects.

“I don’t know, I was thinking you could figure it out.”

A silence falls over them, all members of the team looking contemplative.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Bones tells them.

“No, we’ll do it.” Jim hurriedly says, already smiling.

Uhura is nodding along. “Yeah, we’ll help somehow. The guy’s been such a big presence in town it’d be terrible if we didn’t do anything for him.”

“Exactly.” Jim retorts. He’s so glad they’re on the same page. They smile at each other, individual plans as to how they can help probably already churning in their heads.

“Great,” Bones drawls, “Let me know when you’ve finalised a plan.” He then walks off into his office, slamming the door shut behind him.

“He need work on personality.” Chekov observes.

Jim let’s out a huff of laughter. “You might as well ask him to stop breathing.”

Chekov actually looks like he’s considering it, then dismisses it with a shake of his head. “No. Is likelier to happen than personality change.”

“Man, you’re a real bitch, you know that?” Uhura laughs, shooting Chekov an impressed look.

“Alright, alright, don’t encourage the guy,” Jim tells her, waving them all closer. He’s starting to get into this project to help with Pike’s hospital bills, but he knows he can’t do it all on his own. “Let’s brainstorm some ideas as to how we can help Pike. What’ve we got, gang?”

“How about a fund run?” Uhura suggests.

“Love it!”

“Enterprise has second highest obesity rate in country.” Chekov interrupts, throwing them both an incredulous look.

“Even better! It’ll encourage people to get exercising and hopefully get us down to the third highest obesity rating in the country. I really want to beat Eagleton…” Jim murmurs.

“Actually, it won’t work.” Uhura says.

“Why not?” Jim frowns.

“Because Chekov is right. No one in Enterprise is really active, and even though the idea of a fund run is, you know, _fun_ ,” She pauses to allow Jim a chuckle. “It’s not going to help us raise enough money for Pike’s hospital bills, which is the aim of this mission.”

Jim hums in reply, nodding slowly. “You are right…”

“What if we hold carnival?“ Chekov offers.

“With what money?” Scotty retorts.

“Small carnival.” Chekov amends.

“No, Scotty’s right. Let’s stick to ideas where we don’t have to spend a shit ton of credits. Remember that we’re essentially broke right now, and if we’re spending money on anything it has to be from our own pocket.” Jim clarifies.

Chekov grimaces at that. “It hurts me deeply.”

“I know, kid,” Jim sighs. This budget thing was still bothering him, and it wouldn’t stop bothering him until it was solved.

“Maybe we could put together a historic tour of the town? Give it a theme, like ‘spooky’ or ‘sexy’.” Uhura throws out.

“I like it, as long as we can amend the ‘sexy’ bit, make sure that families will want to come.” Jim tells her.

Uhura nods. “That’s fair.”

“Oh!” Jim exclaims, remembering something. “Actually, that’d be great because then we could focus on the history of Starfleet here. You know they had one of their major bases here before, right? And I know we’ve still got some of the scraps from the spaceships they built, we could use those during the tour.”

“Isn’t it hazardous?” Uhura asks.

“We can just polish them up, make sure they’re safe for people to go into and check out. Maybe even sit in the pilot's chair… if we can find a pilot's chair.”

Scotty shakes his head. “It’s a load of junk that, nae good for anything.”

“In Russia, we sell junk for good price.” Chekov declares proudly.

Jim’s eyes suddenly alight, and he turns to the kid with a grin. “That’s it.”

Chekov gives him a confused look in return.

“What’s what, Jimmy?” Uhura asks, feeling just as confused.

Jim looks to her, grin widening. “An auction.”

There’s a beat of silence, then Chekov announces, “Oh my God. I am so smart it is embarrassing for you.”

Uhura retaliates by punching him in the arm, and Jim has to get between them so they don’t start a childish slapping match. Seriously, this is his department?

“How about you tells us a bit more about this auction idea, Jim?” Scotty says, trying to get back to the topic.

“It’s simple. We gather anything of value we have at home, hold an auction for the entire town and sell it.”

“So, just a regular auction?” Uhura asks, having temporarily abandoned her vendetta against Chekov.

“Yeah. What were you thinking?”

“I… I don’t know. I thought since it’s you coming up with an idea you’d have something more than just an auct—“

“Oh!” Jim exclaims suddenly. “And we can gather all the shit we don’t need from home and hold a garage sale of sorts. That way people get rid of the junk they don’t need without throwing anything out— which hey, is good for the environment— earn some money, and the credits we get from renting out spaces at the auction can be put towards Pike’s hospital bills.”

“There he is.” Uhura smirks, throwing Scotty and Chekov a knowing look.

*

The team have arranged for the auction to happen as soon as possible before word about the government’s budget cuts actually reaches the public. It’s probably terrible to trick people into spending money right now when the government is going through some issues, but in their defense, the budget cuts won’t affect the public’s disposable income. 

So, they print out hundreds of fliers and post them all over Enterprise, with the bold, loud words stating that there’ll be an auction and garage sale held next Saturday at the local school. Scotty had already called ahead and asked them if they could rent the auditorium for Saturday, and the principal, who was a good friend of Scotty’s, had gladly agreed and even given them half off on the renting.

Jim and Chekov personally go around to homes with families in them and ask them if they want to donate anything to the auction or be part of the garage sale, and safe to say it’s quite the success. Of course people would be willing to partake in the event, especially if it means they get to get rid of their junk for some credits.

Uhura herself has taken to calling people from the office and ask them if they wish to donate anything to Pike personally, and then directs them to the GoFundMe page Scotty’s set up. 

All in all, it’s wrapping up to be a pretty easy preparation.

*

Bones is in his office, listening to some mixchip Joanna had sent him that she swears will help his blood pressure go down. He doesn’t understand how a chip can relax his mind or whatever, but he wasn’t going to turn down any effort his little girl did to help him. He’s pretty sure she has no idea what she’s given him, only picked the first chip she’d seen at the shops that read ‘Relax Your Mind’.

He’s about ten minutes in of either whale noises or bad violin playing, when there’s a knock at his door. Bones doesn’t even go to open it, merely calls out, “Go away.”

The doors open slightly, and Hikaru sticks his head inside. “Hey, hey, mind if we come in?”

“I suppose legally I can’t stop you.” Bones sighs, sitting up in his chair. Relaxation period over, time for his daily dosage of stress.

Hikaru chuckles and opens the door further, stepping in with Spock following him. Oh, great. Both of them.

“We’re not here for anything bad, we just— Oh! Is this relaxation music?” Hikaru halts suddenly.

“Yep.” Bones hums, turning off the audio. “My little girl got it for me. Said it’ll help ease my mind, or something like that.”

“What a coincidence,” Hikaru smiles. “Mine did too. Maybe it’s the rage among kids nowadays?”

“Relaxations mixchips?” Bones huffs, amused.

“It wouldn’t be the strangest thing my Demora has offered me. She thinks I work way too much and stress over things that don’t even need to be stressed over.”

“ _You_?” Bones asks in a disbelieving tone. “Stress?”

Hikaru chuckles. “I know, I know, people think I’m this super positive guy, but I’ve only got to stay this way because, well, this job isn’t so great. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good money and I do enjoy crunching numbers, but it keeps me away from my family and no one’s really excited to see us. I’m sure your department weren’t jumping for joy when they heard we’d be coming down?” He asks with a sly smile.

Bones’ lips quirk up into a smile. “’Jumping for joy’ is definitely not something I’d describe their reaction as being.”

Alright, this guy was a bit weird when they first met, but Bones feels he’s not too bad. Sure, he’s hiding his bad feelings behind positivity, but that wasn’t for him to care about, not unless he was a doctor. He can also sympathise with him not having the time for his family due to his job, since working in the government was a soul-crushing, demonic line of work.

“Hikaru, the rumour.” Spock prompts, making his presence known. Bones turns to the guy, completely having forgotten he even existed.

“Right, that. So Leonard, we came over here because we wanted to check up on a little rumour we heard around town.”

“And what’s that?” Bones drawls, already on guard.

“Is it true that your department is holding an auction in four days’ time?” Spock asks plainly.

“Sure is,” Bones confirms. “Come Saturday they’ll be taking over the school’s gym in order to put on their auction slash garage sale event.”

“I see.” Spock nods. “You are aware that this cannot be allowed.”

“Why not?” Bones asks testily. He doesn’t much like this guy’s attitude.

“Mr. McCoy, surely you are aware this town is undergoing financial investigation.”

Yeah, forget the attitude— he doesn’t like this guy, period.

“Your point being?” Bones asks, crossing his arms.

Spock opens his mouth as if to retort, but Hikaru cuts him to it. “What my partner here is trying to say is, you know that the town is going through a financial crisis so why would you put on an event during this time?”

“I’ll have you know that my department is using none of the government’s money to fund this event. It’s all from our own pockets.”

Spock seems to still where he’s stood, but Hikaru on the other hand… he looks about ready to burst from excitement.

“Are you serious? That is fantastic!”

“Why would you do this?” Spock interjects, a light frown marring his face.

“What’s it to you?” Bones retorts sharply.

Spock’s frown deepens, but instead of snapping back he says, “I am simply curious.”

Bones mulls over the guy’s reason, then decides it’s good enough. “A local to our town, Christopher Pike, injured himself falling off of one of the residents’ roofs. He’s been the handyman since I was a little kid, even before then, and everyone in town knows him as the one guy you can call when you need someone to take care of the little jobs around the home. We’re holding this event in order to raise some money for his hospital bills.”

Spock is looking contemplative, his eyes on the floor.

“That good enough reason for you?” Bones drawls.

Spock looks up, and Bones is pretty sure he’s caught onto his displeasure.

“Let us help.” Hikaru says suddenly.

“I’m sorry?” Bones blinks, caught off guard.

“Let us help.” Hikaru repeats, smile widening. “What you’re doing is incredibly thoughtful, and I’d like nothing more than to help you in any way I can.”

“Hikaru, it is not part of our mission.” Spock interrupts, looking kind of scared.

Hikaru waves away his comment. “It’s fine, Spock! We’re not supposed to be working 24/7 anyway, so we can help these nice people on our hours off.”

“You sure about that?” Bones asks, throwing Spock a glance. The guy really doesn’t look sold on the idea.

“Of course, it’d be our pleasure.”

Bones deliberately nods his head at Spock, thinking maybe Hikaru isn’t aware of the guy’s very keen dislike of the idea.

“Oh, yeah, he just isn’t good with people. Maybe you could give him a job where he doesn’t have to interact with them a lot?” Hikaru proposes.

Bones’ eyes jump back to the man, taking in his smile and eager-to-please attitude. He reminds him an awful lot of a certain deputy director of his. Bones purses his lips, thinking the man’s offer over.

Eventually he says, “Let me see what I can do.”

*

“No, absolutely not.”

“Jim, they’re offering to help free of charge.”

“I don’t want their help!” Jim snarls into the communicator.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t send them down to the auction on Saturday?”

“I don’t want them there.”

“Not a good enough reason.”

“Uhura doesn’t want them there.”

“Let me hear her confirmation.”

Jim holds the comm unit away from his mouth and curses. After a moment he brings it back to his mouth. “Okay, that was a lie. I don’t know what she wants.”

“Jim, they’re coming over on Saturday to help so make sure you’ve got tasks ready for them.”

“Bones, no! I don’t want them here!”

“You’re damn well getting them and that’s final!” Bones snaps, and then abruptly hangs up. Jim’s look at his communicator in pure shock. He quickly opens up a new message and begins furiously typing.

_[To: Bones]  
Did you just hang up on me????_

There’s no reply for over ten minutes, after which Jim sends off:

_[To: Bones]  
Dick_

*

“What crawled up your ass and died?” Uhura asks after the fourth time Jim heavily drops a box onto the floor. It’s damn annoying and she doesn’t know if there’s anything fragile in them.

“Nothing.” Jim murmurs, heading off to fetch another box. 

Uhura grabs a hold of him before he can leave. “Nuh-uh, tell me.”

Jim throws her an irritated look, but she levels him with her own warning one. Jim shrinks back, making her the victor.

“Go on. Tell me.”

He fiddles with the cuff of his shirt, then sighs deeply, sounding like he’s relaying the passing of a family member. “The state auditors will be helping us at the auction on Saturday.”

Uhura’s eyebrows jump in surprise. Huh. “That’s… real nice of them, actually.”

Jim’s suddenly glaring at her. “No, _it’s not_. It’s fucking _terrible_.”

Uhura shakes her head, confused at his reaction. “Why? We’re getting extra hands. That’s a good thing.”

Jim looks her straight in the eyes and punctuates every word as he says, “They. Are. The. Enemy. Uhura.”

Uhura stares at him, thinking there’s more to his words. When nothing else comes out, she shakes her head and says, just as slowly, “Get. Your. Head. Out. Of. Your. Ass. Jim.”

Jim lets out an aggravated sigh, and Uhura has to smack him up the side of the head to knock some sense into his head. Literally.

“Jim, seriously! I know they’re state auditors and will be fucking with our budget, but are you really not going to let them help just because of that?”

“It’s a legitimate reason.” He pouts, rubbing at his head. “That hurt, by the way.”

“I agree, but it’ll also give us an opportunity to show off to them. If they see how hard we’re working and how smoothly we work together maybe they won’t tinker with our department too much.”

Jim’s expression suddenly morphs into one of understanding.

“Now you see,” Uhura sighs. Sometimes she can’t believe this man is her deputy director.

“Uhura, you’re a genius.” Jim grins, mood having flipped completely. 

“What else is new?” She retorts, rolling her eyes.

*

The tables have been prepared for the garage sale, which is just called that in name when in actuality it takes place in the school’s auditorium, the chairs have been set out in front of the stage, and everything is as clean as Chekov was bothered to make it.

It’s Saturday.

Jim’s just dragging the last pieces for the auction up behind the stage, placing them among all the other items. It’s a bitch to do this last minute, but Uhura had shown up at his house that morning saying that some people had come and dropped them off at her house, not realising they should’ve done so at the school. 

Jim had immediately offered to help her, and he knew she appreciated it from the way her face softened with relief. She works incredibly hard that girl, but she isn’t like Jim who can be spurred on by nothing but his passion alone. Sometimes she needs help, or just some rest.

Jim’s really invested in this auction event, not only because it’ll help raise some credits for Pike’s hospital bills, but because if it turns out to be a success that’ll be another victory under his belt. He really hopes the Enterprise newspaper will write about this, and the coverage will boost his likeability amongst the public. That’s super important for when he plans on running for office, but it’s still not high enough yet. He needs to work harder and do more for the town in order to earn their approval, as well as their votes.

He drops off the rocking chair behind the stage and slides it in next to some weird painting of a tribble. It sends a shiver down Jim’s spine, and he turns the painting around so its back is shown instead. He can’t have that freaky creature staring at him.

“Is that all, Jim?” Uhura asks, poking her head through the curtains.

“I’ve still got one more left, I’ll go get it now.” He tells her.

“Oh, let me help then.”

“No, no, you continue fixing the mic.”

“Can’t do much, not until Scotty gets the wires fixed.” She frowns, stepping forward.

“How’s he doing with that?” Jim asks.

Uhura shrugs.

“Have you tried comming him?”

“Yeah, but no reply, so he’s probably busy. I’ll give him five minutes then try again.”

Jim nods, and begins heading towards the auditorium’s exit again. “Great, make sure it gets fixed in time for the auction.”

“Of course,” She nods, walking back to the podium. “And hey, don’t break your back!”

Jim flips her the bird as he walks out the exit, leaving a cackling Uhura in his wake.

Shaking her head Uhura kneels down by the podium, looking through the few wires there herself. Considering how many public forums she’s held and conferences she’s spoken at, she actually doesn’t know much about how the mics work. All she knows is that you shouldn’t speak with your lips against the mic because that’s nasty as hell. 

The sound of footsteps approaching pulls her away from her task. She peeks toward its source, and it is greeted with the sight of none other than a certain Vulcan state auditor stood uncomfortably before her.

“Well look what the cat dragged in,” Uhura beams, righting herself up. “It’s good to see you here, S’chn T’gai Spock.”

Spock seems to freeze at the words, then melts back into himself. “I apologise for doubting your ability to pronounce my name on our first meeting. It was ignorant of me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Uhura assures him. “I know not many people can speak Vulcan on Earth, you couldn’t have expected little old me to be fluent in it.”

“You are indeed exceptionally fluent in it.” Spock observes, looking intrigued. “Have you resided on Vulcan previously?”

“No, I didn’t. I actually studied it when at Starfleet. Xenolinguistics major.” She explains.

“Fascinating.”

Uhura’s lips quirk up into a smile. Spock’s quite cute, actually. She doesn’t know why she thought he’d be the Devil incarnate. Well, that’s a lie, she knows exactly why; Jim bashing the guy really had influenced her something terribly.

Spock seems to realise why he’s there, because he mentions, “I was sent here to aid you with the auction.”

“Cool, that’d be great thanks.” She smiles. “Is it just you?”

“Affirmative. Hikaru said he would be aiding Montgomery Scott with the technical aspects of the event.”

Uhura hums, realising that that’s probably why he hasn’t replied to her comm messages. It was difficult to know since at times Scotty will get so wrapped up in his work that he’ll just forget to reply, along with tending to his body’s basic needs such as eating, sleeping, and … yeah.

“That’s good, then. Scotty won’t be alone with his work.” She turns to look around the stage, her gaze browsing the many empty seats already laid out in front of it. “Well… we’ve pretty much finished setting it all up now, and we’re just waiting for the people tending to their stands to come in. But I think I could use your help during the actual auction.”

Spock nods. “I can be of assistance.”

Uhura tries smothering her smile, but is entirely successful at it. “Thanks. I basically just need you to take the sold items over to their new owners, nothing big.”

Spock nods again, and he looks really quite focused. “At what time will members of the public be arriving?”

“We said it’ll be open from 11:00, so a little after that most of them will come in.”

“Hey Uhura, where’d you want me to put this cupboard?” Jim calls out all of a sudden.

Uhura frowns, thinking the guy’s just pulling her leg; but when she turns around she sees that no, it’s not a joke, Jim’s actually carrying a fucking cupboard all on his own.

“For Gods’ sake, Jim, let me help.” She hisses, already hurrying towards him.

“I got it,” He grunts, tilting backwards. Clearly he has not ‘got it’.

Before Uhura can chide Jim some more, Spock strolls past her and casually takes the cupboard off of him. Jim stumbles back, surprised at suddenly being rid of the probably fucking heavy item. However, when he notices who exactly has taken it off of him, his eyes harden.

He’s already reaching for the cupboard again. “I don’t need your he—“

“Spock, could you put it down over there by the rocking chair?” Uhura asks sweetly, ignoring Jim’s indignant look.

Spock walks over to rocking chair and deposits the cupboard next to it, straightening down his shirt once he’s done so.

“Thank you.” She tells him sincerely.

“It is no bother.” Spock returns. “May I be of some assistance elsewhere?”

“No, we’re good,” Jim interjects tersely.

“Jimmy,” Uhurs says in a scolding down. “Play nice.”

He shoots her an irritated look, but she ignores it in favour of Spock. “Actually, could you just bring a few more chairs down below the stage? There should be some in the back room.”

Spock nods, and heads back to do exactly that.

Once he’s out of sight Uhura whirls on Jim, her stance tense. “Do you seriously need to jump into a defensive mode when he’s around?”

“Yes.” Jim retorts petulantly, hands on his hips.

“Jim, remember how we talked about showing these guys how well we work together? You know, so that they won’t mess up our department too much?”

“Well I was more sold on the idea when he wasn’t there in person.”

Uhura can’t believe what she’s hearing. It’s amazing how someone so hard-working and dedicated to their department like Jim can be so utterly stubborn.

“I don’t understand why you’re being such a little bitch about Spock helping.” She bites out.

“He’s the _enemy_ , Uhura.” Jim tells her, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I don’t fraternise with the enemy. _We_ don’t fraternize with the enemy.”

“As I have stated previously, Mr. Kirk, it is your government who is the enemy, not I.” Spock’s voice floats out from the backroom. 

Uhura’s lips twitch up in a smile. If the situation was any different, she thinks maybe he and McCoy might have struck up a solid friendship founded on their dislike of the government. She doesn’t actually know how Spock feels about working in the government sector, but anyone who calls it the enemy will probably earn a thumbs up from McCoy.

Jim drops his head and mutters something under his breath. Spock emerges from the back with two chairs in each hand, and that prompts Jim to finally look up and turn to Spock. “Eavesdropping isn’t very polite, you know.”

“I was not eavesdropping. Vulcan sense of hearing is simply superior to that of Humans.”

“Is that right?” Jim asks testily, crossing his arms.

Uhura sees how Spock’s eyes jump down to Jim’s arms at the motion, and a teeny, tiny, trace of green dusts his cheeks.

Her eyebrows crawl up her forehead. Interesting.

“Mr. Kirk, I understand your distrust in me—“

Jim snorts, thinking ‘distrust’ is a mighty kind word to use.

“However, I am simply attempting to do my job, which is to alter the town’s budgets.” Spock finishes calmly.

Jim’s eyes turn fierce, and he steps up so he’s real close to Spock. Uhura’s stood frozen, unable and unwilling to interfere. She sees the way Spock’s breathing seems to have shorted and how his fists are clenched at his sides. Either the guy’s about to punch Jim or jump on him, she’s not sure which one.

“You doing your job is going to result in hundreds of people losing theirs here in Enterprise. And unlike you, who can just move along to another town where you can ruin them too, these people can’t get back into the job market. Not if you slash them all.” Jim says quietly with contained anger.

“We will only be cutting 40-50% of your budget, and it is not necessary the personnel who will be eliminated.” Spock returns, never breaking their gaze.

Jim’s eyes narrow. “You think that’s better? Your changes will still drastically affect the town.”

“I am aware, however I am unable to do anything about that. Either you choose to amend Enterprise’s budget and follow this altered solution, or you continue on this path and drive your town into bankruptcy.”

The ensuing silence is so quiet you could hear a penny drop, and Uhura is so, so tempted to reach into her pocket and try it out. 

Instead, she gathers her wit and sinks back into professionalism. “Spock, if you don’t mind? Could you place the chairs along the left, one on each row from the back to the front.”

Spock’s head suddenly snaps to Uhura, and he blinks at her. Guy probably forgot she was even there, he was so wrapped up with Jim. She still doesn’t know if the tension in the air is dangerous or sexual, the odds are honestly equally likely.

“Of course.” Spock says finally, then heads down the stage without giving Jim so much as a ‘goodbye’. Uhura watches as he follows Spock when he steps off the stage, heading to the back row where he begins setting up the chairs.

“I… hate that guy.” Jim says darkly.

“Do you think he’s hot?” She whispers.

Jim’s eyes widen at the abruptness of the question. “What?”

“So, ‘yes’?”

“ _No_.” Jim hisses.

“You sure?”

“Yes!”

“Keep your voice down,” Uhura shushes, eyes flickering back to Spock. The guy is still setting up chairs, so hopefully he isn’t paying attention to their little chat. “You guys just seemed very intense back then.”

“Because he’s trying to ruin our department, Uhura.”

“It looked very sexual.” She mentions.

“It was _anger_ ,” Jim tells her firmly, jaw clenched.

Uhura bites her lip, taking stock of Jim. He’s still looking very stiff, his eyes muddled with emotion and standing with his legs apart. 

Eventually she nods. “Alright. Must’ve been projecting then.”

Jim nods curtly, then frowns. “Wait, you find Spock hot?”

“He’s not bad looking,” Uhura admits.

“You have a boyfriend.” Jim accuses.

“Yeah, doesn’t mind I’m blind. Scotty checks out other women too, you know.”

“Don’t you get jealous?” Jim asks, scowling.

“He loves me, Jimmy.” Uhura tells him bluntly.

Incredibly, Jim blushes at that. His cheeks stain pink, and he scratches at the back of his neck. “Right.”

Uhura shakes her head. She’ll never be able to understand this guy. He’s either feeling things too strongly, too much emotion, or he’s completely clueless. There’s no in between.

“So you selling anything today?” She asks him, switching subjects. By the look of relief on Jim’s face he’s immensely glad for it.

“Nope. But I will be buying. I hear Chekov’s selling his _U.S.S. Kelvin_ spaceship collectible, and I want it.” He declares, suddenly gleeful.

“You’re a grown man.” Uhura deadpans, as if that will change Jim’s mind about buying a toy.

“A grown man who might soon be in possession of a _U.S.S. Kelvin_ spaceship collectible.” He grins, throwing Uhura a salute.

She shakes her head, once more despairing that this man is her supervisor.

*

The event was going good.

It was going great even.

It was going too great. In a way, anyway.

The turnout is incredible, and Uhura’s not sure if it’s because the event appealed to everyone or if it’s because they know that they’re doing this to raise money for Pike. Either way, almost all of the town shows up, even the elderly from the seniors home. 

The auditorium is full to the brim, voices travelling through the large room like continuous thunder. It’s insane, but so, so great for them. The garage sale is going magnificently, the stands selling out most of their clothes after just one hour of being open. Because of this they’ve been forced to start the auction earlier than intended, and so Uhura has been spending the last hour standing at the podium calling out items to the audience. 

The thing is, it’s great that there’re so many people, and that they’re selling so much, but they’re not selling enough. The auction could be going better. They are auctioning off the items, but they’re not being sold for as high as prices as they could be, which is really annoying. 

Uhura is happy that people are paying anything at all for the items, but she was kind of hoping for more. They’re quickly selling off the items, Spock carrying them over to the new owners and returning to her side just in time for the next item to be sold, after which he repeats the process. He’s doing a good job, and he doesn’t interact much with people which suits the guy just fine.

“Sold! For one hundred fifty credits for the lady up front, I hope you’ll enjoy this old painting entitled, ‘The Trouble with Tribbles’.” Uhura announces, giving the woman a smile while inwardly wondering who in this universe would pay anything for a painting for a tribble.

She watches as Spock hands the painting over to the woman, trying to avoid her gushing as she thanks him, then slinks right back to Uhura’s side.

That’s it.

That was the last one. They’ve run out of items to auction off, and it’s way ahead of schedule. The auction was expected to go on for another half hour _at least_ , but with all the items gone, and bringing in much less credits than they had predicted, there’s nothing Uhura can do.

She nervously looks around the audience, seeing how their eyes are locked on her, probably waiting for her announce the next item.

“Uhura, are you well?” Spock asks her, and Uhura glances at him. The guy’s so quiet she’d honestly forgotten he was stood right there.

“I’m…” She begins, then halts. Her eyes slowly travel down and up Spock’s body, taking in his neat suit, long legs, and frankly terrible haircut, but his face is something gorgeous. Really not bad-looking at all.

“Just a moment,” She tells the audience, beaming widely. She ushers Spock to the side of the stage, ignoring his curious glances.

Once they’re out of sight Spock turns to her. “What is the matter?”

“I’m going to need you to auction yourself off.” She explains plainly.

Spock’s eyes widen at the suggestion. “I cannot do that.”

“Oh, but you have to.”

“No.”

“Spock, you said you were going to help us with the auction.” Uhura insists.

“Not in this manner.” He counters.

Uhura needs to get this man’s gorgeous ass out on stage so he can sell himself like some sort of hooker, but he is simply being _unreasonable_.

A sudden thought occurs to her.

“Hey, you know how Jim’s like really angry with you for being here?”

Spock seems to shrink at those words, but nods.

“And you know our department isn’t crazy about you guys coming in and tinkering with our budget, right?”

“It is the usual reaction we get as anywhere else.” He states in a detached tone.

Uhura feels a twinge of sympathy at that, but barrels on. “Right, so we’re not that crazy on you and Hikaru. _However_ , if you were to go the extra mile and auction yourself off in order to help raise credits for Pike, well, we’d see you in a different light.”

“You would still dislike our reparation of your department’s budget.”

“We would, but we’d see that you aren’t all that bad since you’re helping us— or more like helping us help a member of our community. That’ll really help soften your whole ‘state auditor come here to slash our budget’ aspect.”

Spock falls silent, and Uhura knows she’s making some headway with him.

“You know we won’t trust you until you show you actually care about our town.” She says calmly, a hint of a question in her voice. She just wants him to say that he’ll do it, he’ll sell his body to the highest bidder.

“Surely there must be another way.” Spock says slowly.

Uhura tilts her head in consideration, then catches Spock’s eyes. “You’ve got ten seconds to think of one before I auction you off to the highest bidder.”

Spock’s eyes widen and his mouth falls open. The seconds are trickling away and he’s not saying anything. The guy’s clearly struck speechless. Uhura would be feeling sorry for him if she didn’t know that he and Hikaru would be potentially destroying their budget.

“Time’s out,” She tells him forlornly, then immediately drags him back onto the stage.

There’re murmurs in the audience, people talking amongst themselves, but Uhura banging the gavel on the stand catches their attentions again.

“Alright, folks! Sorry for the slight break, just had to settle some finer details about the next item. Anyway! Now, for one of our most prestigious items of the night. If you like long-legged, Vulcan cuties then you better get your signs ready, because with us here tonight is none other than Mr. S’chn T’gai Spock!” 

She can see there’re a few interested gazes in the crowd, people suddenly sitting up as they realise what exactly it is that’s being auctioned off.

Success.

Spock is standing by Uhura, sticking close to her side, and that so won’t do.

She gently pushes at his hip, not touching any skin, and whispers out of the corner of her mouth. “You wanted to help prove you care? Well here’s your chance.”

“I do not understand.”

Uhura barely stops herself from rolling her eyes. “Just go into the centre of the stage; show the people what they’re bidding their hard-earned money on.”

Spock throws her one last, uneasy look, then awkwardly walks into the centre of the stage. Uhura feels so bad about this, but they really need the money. Also, she really needs him to be sold, because if she’s right— and she almost always is— they can solve this budget situation with a lot less stress than there already is.

“Look at this gentleman, folks, isn’t he just wonderful? Smart, stunning, and sexy; the triple S’s which might lead to the triple X’s, if you know what I mean,” She winks, causing a few people in the audience to titter.

She can see some people already raising their boards, and she gleefully points each one of them out as she announces the numbers. 

“Five hundred credits to the lady in the front! Anyone going over that? Oh, it seems the gentleman in the back is very eager, I see seven hundred credits from him! Is there— yep, there it is, eleven hundred credits from the Andorian at the front, excellent taste!”

The boards trickle off, one by one dropping as the price rises. Uhura’s eyes dart across the crowd, trying to pick off any stragglers.

“No more bids? Come on people, if in doubt, just look to the stage and you’ll be reminded as to why you _most definitely_ need to bid!”

At that several more boards rise up, and Uhura grins as she calls them out.

“My, my, look at that! Now we’re talking! Fourteen hundred to the lady up front, anyone want to go over that? Fifteen hundred? We’ve fifteen hundred from the young miss at the back, excellent— Oh look at that folks, an incredible _two thousand credits_ from the man in the back! That is amazing, well done on that!”

She feels giddy from excitement, her eyes jumping all over the audience. She definitely hadn’t expected Spock to garner two thousand credits, at most fifteen hundred but not _two thousand_. This was a fucking success!

“No one else wanting to bid for him?” She asks the crowd at large.

“I would like to bid for myself.” Spock speaks up.

“No can do,” Uhura refuses him. “Only audience members can buy. Come right on folks, a once in a lifetime opportunity! A _date_ with a _Vulcan_! This is something you can surely brag about to your friends at the bar, come on now!” She claps her hands together, the gavel messing it up spectacularly.

Suddenly a board rises up somewhere near the back, and Uhura’s eyes lock in on it.

“Three thousand credits.” The voice declares, and there’s some gasps from the people around.

Uhura’s eyes widen, and she’s trembling with excitement as she announces, “Three thousand credits to the gentleman in the back! Going once…”

Spock, curious as to who it is who has bid such a high amount on him, angles his head in an attempt to try and catch a glimpse of the being.

“Going twice…”

His eyes widen as he suddenly recognises who the board belongs to.

“Sold! For three thousand credits to Mr. Jim Kirk. I hope you’ll enjoy your evening with Mr. Spock, and gentlemen; please play nice.”

“I’m sure I will.” Jim murmurs lazily, his eyes locked onto Spock’s

Spock feels his pulse increase at the promise. 

This may not have been one of the better decisions in his life.

*

“Celebration drinks on me!” Chekov hoots, throwing his hands into the air.

Jim laughs at the kid’s reaction, thinking it very fitting for the situation. They’d just counted their earnings from the event, adding in both the credits from the auction and the small fee they took from the stands, and yeah, Pike’s going to be damn happy that he doesn’t have to pay for half of his hospital bills.

“Excellent, _excellent_ work!” Jim congratulates the team, feeling like his grin is going to split his face.

“Pike’s going to be real happy ‘bout this,” Scotty agrees, reading through the numbers. “Makes me mighty glad seeing a town take such good care of one of their own.”

“Well, that’s how we do things here,” Jim smiles, “Unlike Scotland where I assume they just throw you into the sea and give you a poor Viking burial.”

“Actually we’ve got free healthcare, but that was a nice try, lad.” Scotty points out.

Uhura chuckles and leans over to give him a peck on the lips, the two of them pulling away with identical looks of fondness on their faces.

“Is very good haul. Makes me think we can handle state auditors. They no big deal now.” Chekov throws in, smiling brightly.

It’s such a small thing, but the words have Jim stopping short. He frowns suddenly, mind catching on what Chekov said.

“Yeah, great work, team.” He nods absently, deep in thought.

Uhura must notice he’s not quite there, because she asks, “You okay, Jim?”

“Just fine,” Jim replies, catching her eyes. “I just need to… make a call.”

She frowns but nods, not saying anything when he ambles away. When Jim’s walked a decent distance away from the team, he pulls out his communicator and immediately calls Bones.

After three rings the man answers. “McCoy, here.”

“You gave us this project to help keep our minds off of the state auditors.” Jim starts, offended.

“That’s crazy talk.” Bones retorts, and Jim knows he’s right.

“Bones.”

He hears a sigh on the other end, followed by low mutterings. Eventually, Bones says, “It wasn’t just to keep your mind off the state auditors.”

Jim’s grip on his comm tightens. He knew it.

“Look, Jim; you and the entire department are some of the most hard-working people I know. And that’s really saying something coming from me, who at all times will try and make sure as little work as possible happens here. But you guys just won’t let me. You’re constantly seeking to better the city, to better the parks and rec centres— it’s fucking annoying to me, but it’s gold to the community. I wanted the state auditors to see exactly what it is you guys can do.”

“That’s why you sent them over to help us.” Jim realises, eyes widening.

“Uh, no,” Bones denies. “That actually was a fluke. Hikaru came in with Spock and asked why you guys were holding an auction when you had no money, and when I explained the situation to him Hikaru volunteered both him and Spock to help.”

“Oh.” Jim breathes. “So that’s… oh. So Spock didn’t even want to help in the first place?”

“The guy looked mighty reluctant when Hikaru suggested it. I don’t know if it’s him or just Vulcans in general, but they really don’t like people.”

“They’re touch telepaths, so maybe that’s why.” Jim murmurs.

“True.” Bones hums. “Anyway, I think they were mighty impressed with you guys. I just received an e-mail from Hikaru congratulating me and the department on our fantastic efforts.”

Jim snorts, knowing Bones probably wanted to burn the message as soon as he got it. How dare anyone accuse him of being productive.

They really did do a marvellous job. The event went off without a hitch, which was a first for Jim, nearly everyone in time showed up, and they sold everything both during the auction and at the garage sale. It was a great success, and the Enterprise paper did cover it, elevating the Parks and Recreation’s department into the good graces of the public.

But…

Jim sighs. “There’s still going to be a 40% budget cut.” He knows Spock said between 40-50, but he’s trying to stay optimistic. 

40 is optimistic. 

_Fuck_.

“I know.” Bones says gravely, and then there’s nothing but silence.

*

So Wednesday is here, and the time has come for his and Spock’s date.

Jim’s… really not looking forward to it.

He and Spock had engaged in two more meetings since the auction, trying to discuss the budget, but each time they’d both finished in a yelling match between him and Spock, and nearly always resulted in Jim walking out. The guy was just so damn frustrating and difficult to deal with. He had no idea how someone like Hikaru could work with him, yet alone stay so optimistic while doing so.

If it were Jim he would’ve probably applied for a new partner after their first hour together.

But still, he wants to go on this date. He has to. Because he has bought Spock for the evening, and he’s going to follow through with his initial plan which was at the forefront of his mind when he bid all of three thousand credits for the guy.

He’s going to take Spock to dinner.

He’s going to order a nice meal, some nice wine, and ease Spock into relaxing.

He’s then going to spend the rest of the date relentlessly hounding him about the Parks and Recreation department’s budget. 

It’s a foolproof plan.

He’s sure that by the end of it he’ll be able to come away from the date with some details on the budget, meaning he can bring it up with his team and they can think up ways on how to successfully counter it. With that plan in mind, he gets to getting ready.

Jim actually puts effort into looking good, because let it not be said that Jim Kirk doesn’t know how to look good on a date. He’s wearing black slacks along with dress shoes, and a nice deep, blue shirt that highlights his eyes. Paired with his styled hair it makes for a damn good combo, and his success rate with this outfit has been 97%. 

That last 3% was because the guy had gotten food poisoning and Jim had to take him to the hospital. But still, afterwards they totally banged.

He’d e-mailed Spock earlier in the week telling him to meet Jim at the restaurant, informing him that he was planning to book the table under his own name. Jim didn’t want to pick the guy up in person or they might get into a yelling match before they’d even made it to the actual date, so going separately was the only answer.

When he arrives at the restaurant he finds that Spock’s already seated, and he sees the guy’s eyes widen perceptively when he spots Jim. There’s a hidden part of Jim that preens at that reaction; he clearly looks damn good if he can get even a Vulcan to look at him that way.

“I hope you weren’t waiting long.” He tells Spock as he slides into his seat. The guy is wearing a tight, black trousers as well as a black turtleneck that hugs every part of his body. Jim doesn’t hate it.

“I arrived mere moments before you did.” Spock replies. “Do you wish to order immediately?”

“Yeah, sure thing.” Jim nods, then laces his hands on the table. “But first: let’s talk about what you’re going to do to my department’s budget.”

He sees the guy’s face harden, and that only incites Jim to try harder.

“You are aware I cannot do that, Jim.”

“Why not? I bought you for the night, you should be able to do anything I want.”

“Nothing illegal.”

“You telling me about your plans on how to tinker with the budget is not illegal.” He tuts, then as an afterthought adds on, “Also, that was _not_ in the terms and conditions.”

“Because it is referred to as ‘common sense’.” Spock returns firmly, exasperation clear in his eyes.

Jim’s about to push his luck and urge Spock to reveal his plans for the Parks and Rec’s department’s budget, when the guy suddenly changes the topic.

“I have heard you organised for your town to create a time capsule.” He mentions casually.

“Yeah, I did. Everyone loved and contributed to it, and it was amazing. Now tell me your plans for the budget.”

Spock holds back a sigh. “Jim.”

“Don’t _Jim_ me, just...” Jim breaks off with an aggravated groan. “Please, just tell me.”

“I am afraid I cannot do that.”

Silence hangs between them, the noise of the restaurant suddenly too loud. They stare at one another, neither of them backing off, for what feels like hours. Spock is the one who ends up breaking eye contact first.

“I must admit,” He begins, looking Jim in the eyes. “You are especially engaging when moved by anger.”

Jim lets out a huff. “Thanks.” He says dryly. “It’s my selling point.”

“From your tone I surmise you are being self-deprecating, but I speak in all honesty. Your… intense passion for your town really transforms you into something powerful.”

“I really love this town, Spock.” Jim reveals tiredly. “I’d do anything to get it back on its feet.”

“Jim, even though I do not possess the same affections that you hold for Enterprise, our aims do coincide. I believe it would benefit us both if we worked together in order to more quickly, as you said, ‘get it back on its feet.’”

Jim snorts, and throws Spock an amused look. “You’re cute when you try to bargain with a master.”

Spock’s cheeks flush green, and it’s… oddly adorable. Jim knew Vulcans had green blood, but he’d never seen any evidence of it.

“I am attempting to reach a common ground.“ The green of cheeks still hasn’t disappeared.

There’s a beat of silence, then Jim picks up his menu and opens it up. “We’ll talk about this some more later. I’m starving.”

Spock inclines his head in acknowledgement, and picks up his own menu.

“So,” Jim begins conversationally. “If you’re not going to discuss the department’s budget with me, what can I convince you of doing?”

Spock thins his lips and let his eyes slide shut.

Jim’s lips quirk up in a grin.

This is going to be a fun evening. 

*

As it turns out, it does end up being a fun evening, but not in the sense Jim had thought.

He’d thought that he’d get to make Spock uncomfortable some more, pestering him about what he could reveal about his job here at Enterprise which he could then take back to his department like some kind of governmental Robin Hood. 

He had not expected to genuinely enjoy his evening with the enemy.

“You actually invested credits in a product that makes eggs less slippery?” Jim asks incredulously, not believing his ears.

“I thought it to be an extremely strange product, however, since Humans have proven time and time again that strangeness appeals to them, I thought it to be a solid investment.” Spock states coolly, though there’s a slight tinge of green to his cheeks.

“…yeah, but a machine that makes _eggs less slippery_?” Jim repeats, still not quite believing it.

“I heard Humans struggled with holding peeled eggs.” 

Jim has to press his lips together in order not to burst out laughing. He’d hear Humans struggled with holding peeled eggs? _What the actual fuck?_

“A machine that makes eggs less slippery?” He repeats once more, just because the phrase is so insane.

“I think we have established that it was a poor choice on my part.” Spock says curtly.

Jim smiles slyly, bringing his glass of wine up to his lips. “Yeah, that’s true. Let’s instead talk about how you seem to have a problem with why eggs are slippery.”

Spock’s grip on his cutlery tightens.

Jim can’t help it. He adds, in a very coy voice, “Have you ever heard of evolution?”

Spock’s eyes slide shut once more, and okay, Jim can admit he’s having way too much fun here.

*

The dinner had been fine, more than fine actually, but they’d both ended up finishing their meals rather quickly. Jim’s was gone in ten minutes flat, and Spock followed not fifteen minute after. They’d essentially finished in less than half an hour, but because they were already at the restaurant and Jim had plans to twist his department’s budget details out of Spock, they’d decided to stay and just… talk. 

Which was great. Really great, actually. Jim had enjoyed it way more than he would’ve thought, but he was still annoyed for letting himself get distracted from his initial task: the budget. 

Spock was just quite fascinating, and he was kind of funny in a weird way. He didn’t make Jim bust a gut like Uhura or Chekov sometimes did, but he made him chuckle and roll his eyes fondly. 

_Fondly_. 

What was this bullshit! He wasn’t supposed to be getting along with Spock, the guy was the enemy!

…but it was so much fun getting him worked up. He never knew Vulcan were so expressive, though maybe Jim’s just paying more attention to Spock and his behaviour. The guy is still very rigid and talks like a computer, but he seems to have very Human reactions, like embarrassment, or exasperation. They’re both great emotions, but Jim prefers embarrassing Spock because then he gets to see that green blush dust his cheeks which he’s quickly becoming familiar with.

Funny, he never thought green was a colour he felt strongly about, but he’s finding it’s a pretty great colour.

They’d stayed at the restaurant for about another hour and a half, when finally Jim exclaimed that they couldn’t loiter around any longer, especially if there were others who wanted to eat in the restaurant. There was no use in them hogging the table if they were done eating.

Spock had agreed, and together they’d gotten dressed. Jim had left a tip for the staff, and was surprised to see that Spock had done the same, though he didn’t say anything about it. Once they’d exited the restaurant Jim had mentioned that his house was just a ten minute walk away, and Spock had nodded and said that he’d accompany Jim.

Jim hadn’t thought much on it, just thought that it was pretty nice of the guy though not necessary, and shrugged. Together they’d headed away from the restaurant, making the ten minute trek towards Jim’s house.

A ten minute trek.

They could walk ten minutes together without starting a fight.

Apparently, they could not.

“I can’t believe you think incest is okay!” Jim spits out in a huff.

“I did not say that.” Spock argues.

“You’re clearly _okay_ with it.”

“I simply stated that in the case of the Berullians, father-daughter or mother-son relationships are acceptable as it is how they have evolved to reproduce.”

“It’s incest, Spock. It’s so wrong.” Jim snaps, feeling disgusted.

“It is wrong for you.” Spock says calmly.

“Hell yeah, it is!”

“And do you believe all races of the galaxy should be held up to your Human standards?”

“I… what— no, of course not.” Jim replies, confused.

“Why?” Spock asks, looking at him.

“Because… it’s different races, different cultures. It’s different.” Jim explains lamely. He knows he’s not doing a good job, but words just aren’t agreeing with him right now.

“Yet you show indignation at the Bellurians’ culture.”

Jim opens his mouth as if to retort, but immediately snaps it shut. He stares at Spock, never tearing his gaze away from the man.

Finally he drags his hand through his hair and sighs. “It’s like you have no emotions.” 

“I thank you for the compliment.” Spock says.

Jim looks at the man, incredulity clear on his face. When he realises Spock isn’t kidding he barks out a laugh. “You are unbelievable.”

They’ve reached Jim’s street now, leisurely strolling down the pavement until Jim sees they’re nearing his house. He directs them down his pathway, and Spock suddenly turns to him.

“You are so passionate I feel as if I am arguing with the sun.” He states plainly, and the words make Jim’s eyebrows jump.

He… kind of really loves that.

“Thank you for _that_ compliment.” He winks at Spock, and holy hell, the guy’s cheeks stain green again. It’s been happening regularly throughout the evening and Jim just can’t seem to get enough of it.

They simultaneously step up onto his porch, and Jim turns to Spock with a smile.

“I’m going to ask you one last time,” Jim begins, speaking in low tones. “Tell me what you’re planning to do with my department’s budget.”

Spock looks like his patience is breaking at the seams and he's trying his damn best to keep it together. Taking a calming breath, the guy locks eyes with Jim and states, “And I will be telling you for the last time; that is not something I can do.”

A tense silence hangs in the air, neither of them breaking eye contact.

Jim suddenly grabs Spock by the front of his shirt and hauls him forward, crushing their lips together. There’s a brief moment where Spock tenses, but then he eagerly returns the kiss. It’s quite a surprise, and Jim barely has time to register it before he’s pulling Spock back, holding him in place so he won’t follow.

“How about now?”

“No.” Spock denies, eyes locked on Jim’s.

There’s a beat of silence, then Jim’s kissing him again, gripping the back of Spock’s neck as he angles the kiss deeper. He feels Spock moan into the kiss, and hot damn, that does things to him. More specifically to his crotch which is starting to become very interested in the proceedings.

Jim pulls off of Spock again, which shit, it’s getting a lot harder to do so. His eyes dart over the man’s face, taking in the man’s face, the green flush on his cheeks and his shiny lips from where Jim has just kissed him. Jim drops his head with a groan, and absently reaches for his door.

“We need to,” He starts, voice gravelly. Wow, already? “We need to get inside. Can’t give the neighbours a free show.”

It takes Spock a moment to understand what Jim’s said, but once he does he nods curtly. “That is a wise decision.”

Jim chuckles deeply. “You can’t just ever say ‘yes’, can you?” He teases, taking out his key and inserting it into the lock.

“If the situation calls for it, I will use ‘yes’ to get what I want.” He replies, voice a low rumble.

Jim’s eyes flash to Spock, his gaze darkening. “I do hope that’s a challenge.”

“I would hope you would take it as such.”

Jim licks his lips, and he sees Spock’s eyes jump down to his mouth. Oh yeah, he’s definitely got this guy in the bag.

The door unlocks with a click, and Jim opens it up, pulling Spock in after him. Once it’s shut he presses the guy up against the door, gluing himself to Spock’s lips again. They should be damn illegal, they taste so good. Spock emits another moan, fingers digging into Jim’s back. The strength of that is incredible, and Jim’s pretty sure he’ll have bruises in the morning. That thought shouldn’t arouse him as much as it does. 

He kisses Spock deeply, angling his head so that he can plaster his entire body against the guy. He’s so goddamn warm it’s insane, and Jim finds himself languidly rubbing up against him. There’s clear evidence of Spock finding this just as hot as he does, and that prompts Jim to grab a hold of one of his thighs and lift it over his hip.

Spock breaks the kiss long enough to exclaim, ‘Jim!’, before his lips are captured once more, Jim pushing his crotch against Spock’s. The hands on his back tighten, but it doesn’t deter Jim from slowly grinding against Spock, holding his thigh tightly against his hip. The guy isn’t as invested in the kiss anymore, but that could be because most of his attention is going towards meeting Jim’s unhurried thrusts.

Spock tears himself away from Jim’s lips and throws his head back, and that’s just _perfect_. Jim goes in for the kill, trailing teeth and tongue over Spock’s neck which is just so fucking gorgeous he can’t actually quite believe it. Spock gasps in response, the muscles in his thigh tightening where Jim’s holding it in his hand. He continues to grind against Jim, pushing his crotch against Jim’s own in strong, sensual movements.

“Jim,” Spock groans, and fuck that voice could drive a man to sin. “I want…”

Jim momentarily halts his ministrations on Spock’s neck, running his nose along the man’s jaw. “You want what, baby?”

He’s panting heavily, he knows he is, but he just can’t help it. Spock’s doing things to him, things he hasn’t felt since he was young. Not in the ‘I’m-in-love-with-this-person-and-want-to-kiss-them-all-day-every-day‘ way, but in the ‘I-want-to-take-this-person-to-bed-and-fuck-them-relentlessly-until-they-come-around-my-dick’ way.

Spock lets out a long, guttural groan, and the noise goes straight to Jim’s crotch. Yeah, he can imagine that sound coming out of Spock when Jim fucks deep into him. 

“ _Jim, please_ ,” Spock keens, and Jim’ll be damned if this won’t be his undoing.

“The things you’re doing to me, Spock,” He murmurs, biting lightly at his jaw. It’s so fucking perfect. Just perfect, like everything else about his appearance.

“You must contain your thoughts,” Spock manages to pant out, and the words have Jim pausing.

“What?” He asks, trying to gather his thoughts. What does that even mean?

“Jim, you must know…” Spock swallows, then goes on, “You must know I am a touch telepath.

A beat of silence passes, then Jim’s grin turns sharp.

“You don’t say?” He drawls, then re-doubles his effort of sucking half-hearted marks into Spock’s neck. 

He conjures up several images; one of himself lying on his back as Spock bounces on his dick, completely lost to the lust he’s feeling as he uses his powerful thighs to push up and down. Jim can just feel the drag of his cock inside of that hot body, can feel how tight it’ll be, and how Spock’s hole will clench around him, making fireworks go off in his body. 

He imagines himself bent over the armrest of his couch, hands clenching at the cushions as he pushes back against Spock, who is stood behind him and thrusting deep inside. The burn of his cock would feel _so good_ , and he wonders if Spock’s dick is as hot as the rest of his body. He wonders if it’ll feel like Jim is burning up from the inside as Spock brings him over the edge, the guy sinking into him one last time as he tumbles after with his own climax.

He imagines Spock on all fours, dropping down to his elbows and tilting his ass up just so that it looks like he’s fucking _presenting_ , like a goddamn bitch in heat, and Jim carefully takes a hold of his underwear and drags them down to his thighs. He can picture it clearly, Spock’s ass on display, and Jim’s self-control being so poor he has to immediately grab at the guy’s cheeks, squeeze them in his hands, and spread them open to reveal his hole twitching in anticipation of being stretched.

Spock spasms in Jim’s hold, and his voice is torn when he gasps, “Jim.”

Jim chuckles darkly, letting up from the guy’s neck. “You like that?”

Spock can’t do much more than nod frantically, his breath coming out in pants. Jim leans back, allowing himself a glimpse of Spock as he is right now, but even that proves to be too much.

The guy looks fucking _wrecked_.

His head is thrown back, wonderful, beautiful neck on full display, and the motion of the guy panting tenses the tendons in his neck. His eyes are screwed shut and his mouth is hanging wide open, lips obscenely green and fuck Jim wants to pull at them with his teeth. The selling point though— Jim’s absolute favourite thing— is that goddamn green blush that colours every inch of his pale skin, wrapping around his neck and darkening as it reaches up to his cheeks.

Before Jim knows it he’s let go of Spock’s thigh and is grappling at his turtleneck, urging Spock to put his hands up so he can pull it over his head. The blasted thing comes off after some struggling, but when it’s gone, damn, is it worth it.

Spock’s all lean muscle and hard lines, his pale skin calling to Jim like a siren song. His chest is flushed slightly green, not as dark as his cheeks or neck, but his _nipples_ — Jim feels his mouth water at the sight of them, small hardened nubs stained dark green, and really, he can’t be blamed for instantly wrapping his lips around one of them.

Spock twitches at the attack, his mouth opening in a wordless gasp. It fuels Jim on, and he grabs hold of Spock’s waist, digging his fingers in as he gets to licking at the man’s nipples. Jim’s not sure if he’s insane or not, but he’s pretty sure Spock’s nipples taste better than anything he’s ever licked before. It must be that or just the fact that the way Spock squirms as Jim nips at them makes it feel like Spock’s nipples are the best thing he’s ever licked.

Jim alternated between the two of them, gently pulling at the nipples with his teeth, and that’s when Spock’s hands fall to his head and hold them in place. Jim feels his cock twitch at the casual strength holding him in place, and he worries the flesh between his teeth. Spock lets out a deep moan, and okay, wow, clearly he likes it when Jim gets all bite-y; at least where his nipples are concerned. Spock’s hands are gripping at his neck, his fingers digging into Jim’s hair and pulling just _so_ — it drives Jim fucking insane, and he redoubles his efforts of licking and sucking at Spock’s gorgeous nipples.

“Jim, the door—“ Spock pants, dragging his head back slightly. 

Jim lets out a whimper when he’s pulled off of Spock’s nipple. 

“ _Jim, the door_.“ Spock repeats, more urgently this time around.

Jim presses his forehead against Spock’s chest and inhales deeply.

Right. The door. It can’t be very comfortable on the guy’s back. Even though Jim really wouldn’t mind fucking Spock up against his door, legs wrapped around his waist and begging for it, he understands if the guy isn’t so keen on it. That door handle is a bitch.

Jim removes his head from Spock’s chest and leans up to give him one long, deep kiss. Once he pulls off he murmurs, “Bedroom.”

Spock’s eyes are glazed over, a wild look in them, but he seems to understand what Jim said. Taking him by the hand, Jim laces their fingers together as he leads Spock towards his bedroom.

All of a sudden Spock lets out a startled yell, and Jim stops dead in his tracks.

“What is it?” He asks, worry leaking into his voice.

Spock’s mouth is hanging open, and his eyes are locked onto their clasped hands. Jim follow his gaze, confused at the reaction. Experimentally, he gives Spock’s hands a squeeze, and the guy propels forward into Jim.

“Woah!” Jim exclaims, catching Spock. He’s kind of really shocked, but also really fucking turned on. He has no idea what he did, but Spock clearly digs it. The guy’s trembling in Jim’s arms something fierce, and his nose is buried in the crook of his neck.

Gently placing his hands on Spock’s back, Jim asks, “You okay?”

Spock nods in reply, pressing his crotch into Jim’s. It’s so damn hot, and Jim emits a low moan, his fingers tightening. Right, the guy was clearly unharmed. If anything, he was dying to get to the final show, and Jim wasn’t going to deprave him of that. He quickly leads Spock through to his bedroom, letting the door stay open but turning on the lights.

He walks Spock over to the bed and falls down on it, pulling the guy down on top of him. Jim lets out an ‘ _oof_ ’ when Spock falls, not expecting the sudden heavy weight. Man, what did Vulcans eat? 

This clearly won’t do, so he flips them over until they’re lying prone, this time with Spock beneath him. Jim takes in the man’s appearance, and shit, there’s just so much he hadn’t seen in the darkness of the hallway. 

Spock’s usually perfect hair is entirely dishevelled, dark strands spread across his pillow like ink spilled onto fresh paper. His lips are glistening from Jim’s kisses, and he must’ve done a helluva number of them because they’re dark pink, almost red if you’re good at wishful thinking. The sight has Jim licking his lips, and his eyes trail down over Spock’s face, taking in his darkened eyes and green cheeks.

“I shouldn’t be wanting you so badly.” Jim murmurs, tracing fingers across Spock’s collarbone. There aren’t any marks because that hadn’t been Jim’s intention at the time, but now he kind of regrets it. He’ll need a lot more time to leave hickeys on Spock’s skin, and hopefully he’ll have the whole night to get to it.

Spock shivers beneath him. “I can feel your lust. You are enamoured with me.”

Jim’s eyes flash to Spock’s, and he sees that they’re black. Not brown, like usual. Pitch black. “More like enamoured with fucking you.”

Spock’s hips thrust up at that, and their groins rub against each other. He lets out a light gasp, and murmurs, “I would be amenable to that.”

Jim’s hands are immediately on Spock’s trousers, and he can’t get them off the guy fast enough. He’s barely aware of Spock pulling at his own shirt, apparently wanting him to get undressed too. Jim’s got no idea how he forgot to get undressed earlier, this is just unheard of when it comes to him. He abandons Spock’s trousers when they’re midway down his thighs, tearing his own shirt off before unzipping his trousers and jumping out of them along with his underwear. He needs to lean against the bed when he pulls off his socks, and barely gives Spock any time to take him in all his naked glory before he’s pouncing on the guy.

Jim goes back to pulling off Spock’s trousers, throwing them somewhere in the room when they’re finally, _finally_ off. He grabs a hold of the hem of the guy’s underwear and drags them down, loving how they cling to his strong thighs. Spock’s trembling violently where he’s lying, his entire body alight with pleasure. Once off Jim tosses the underwear over his shoulder, eyes roaming hungrily over Spock’s body.

The guy is fucking _gorgeous._

He’s all long limbs and muscle, and just the sight of him naked has Jim gripping the base of his cock to stop himself from coming. He can’t believe he’s so close to coming like a goddamn teenager and he’s not even got his dick buried inside of Spock yet. 

Clenching his teeth Jim tries to think of unsexy thoughts, anything that could bring him down from the edge: spider eggs hatching, popping a zit and the puss spilling onto his fingers, that time Scotty threw up all over him when they went on the new rollercoaster on Ferglo’s Park.

“Jim,” Spock pants, and Jim’s eyes flash open.

Oh God.

Spock’s propped up on his elbows, face flushed green and his thighs _fucking splayed wide open_. 

How’s Jim supposed to take that as anything other than Spock asking him to go down on him right this second? Rubbing a quick hand down his face Jim sits forward, grabbing one muscular thigh in each hand and rubbing his thumb over the skin. The hairs on the Spock’s thighs aren’t as coarse as he’d expected, and Jim finds himself leaning down to worry the flesh between his teeth a bit.

Spock emits a low groan, and Jim chuckles darkly, the noise a deep rumble in his chest. Pulling off he looks to Spock’s crotch, and he notices for the first time that it doesn’t like entirely like a Human’s cock. 

Spock’s dick is longer than Jim’s, but not as thick, and instead of being pink it’s green. There’re no balls on the outside, but instead there seems to be folds of some kind that look like they’ve got some sort of liquid sheen over it. Jim curiously runs a finger through them, and Spock’s entire body tenses.

“Jim, no.” He gasps, gripping the sheets.

Jim, _yes_ , he thinks.

Jim runs a hand through them again, and Spock fucking keens. Oh, the sound is so glorious Jim thinks he’s going to combust right there. At least he can say he went out happy. He continues to touch on the folds, dipping his fingers through them. They’re kind of velvety, and very, very wet. Jim manages to coat two of his fingers in the substance, and when he sniffs at them finds that they don’t have a specific odour. He’s not sure about the taste, but he has no plans of trying.

Not this time around, anyway.

Jim hitches one of Spock’s thighs up, and then uses the hand covered in the substance to press against his entrance. Spock’s hole twitches at the touch, and Jim has to swallow so as to not let himself drool over the sheets. He’s so conflicted right now. He can’t decide whether he wants to eat Spock’s asshole out or finger him open and sink into that gorgeous body. It’s like ‘Sophie’s Choice’ but worse.

Spock thankfully makes the decision for him, because he manages to tilt his head up and impatiently pants, “ _Jim,_ fuck me.”

And damn, that’s all Jim needs to hear before he’s sliding his index finger inside the guy. Spock’s hole clenches around the intrusion, and it’s so goddamn tight and _hot_ in there it’s damn near driving Jim crazy. He’s an impatient man at the best of times, but when there’s a hot, needy Vulcan in his bed begging to be fucked— 

Well. He actually can’t think of an example where he’d be even more impatient.

He doesn’t spend much time fingering Spock, his self-control wearing incredibly thin, incredibly fast. One finger turns into two, and he spends a few quick moments stretching his muscles and relishing in the feel of Spock’s asshole clenching around his fingers. It feels so damn good, and Jim just knows it’s going to feel even better when he’s finally buried to the hilt inside of Spock.

“No more, no more,” Spock hisses, undulating his hips.

“You’ll get hurt.” Jim pants, trying to fucking _focus_ here if Spock would just stop trying to distract him.

“I find the burn immensely pleasing.” Spock pants, and okay. That’s it.

Jim’s brain short circuits.

The next moment is a flurry of movements, Jim pulling his fingers out and hitching Spock’s thighs up high before he slides inside, uttering a guttural moan at the tightness that envelops him.

It’s good. It’s so fucking good. If Jim were a more emotional man he’d cry from how good it feels.

But right now he doesn’t have time for that. There’s a fucking beautiful Vulcan he’s got his dick inside and he needs to absolutely _wreck him_.

Jim begins thrusting, starting out slow and easy, but Spock’s not having it. He wraps his legs around Jim’s waist and pulls him closer, and damn— Jim had forgotten about that freaky strength of his. Spock begins thrusting his hips up, meeting Jim’s own as he pushes down into him, Jim’s dick a pleasurable slide against his insides. 

Spock’s almost continuously keening, his hands having found their way up into Jim’s hair. He’s rocking with every one of Jim’s thrusts, his hole seemingly pulling him in deeper each time. It’s probably not true, not likely at all, but it feels like it. Each time Jim sinks inside, he feels as if he’s reaching deeper into Spock, and it’s no easier pulling out because the guy’s greedy hole seems to want to keep him from leaving. 

It’s so fucking dirty and obscene, but fuck, Jim’s never been hornier in his life.

“You’re such a slut for my dick,” He pants, punctuating the last word with a particularly hard thrust. 

Spock moans, and lets out a litany of, “Yes, yes, yes, Jim, yes…”

Jim’s hips stutter, and he leans down to give Spock a filthy kiss. Spock returns it full on, his tongue and lips getting involved.

Jim pulls off with a groan, and he murmurs, “Tell me how much you want it.”

Spock’s breath hitches, and Jim reaches back to slap him on the thigh. The guy’s body tenses, and then the fingers in Jim’s hair clench down even harder.

“Tell me,” Jim pants, “Tell me how you want me to fuck you. Deep? Dirty?” He chuckles, and leans down until his lips brush against Spock’s ear, “Fast?”

Spock’s legs tighten around Jim’s waist, and oh yeah, he’s definitely going to have bruises. All over his fucking body, but it’ll have been so worth it.

“Harder.” Spock grits out through clenched teeth, and Jim thinks he heard wrong.

“What was that?”

“I said, _harder_ ,” Spock repeats, his eyes blazing as they catch onto Jim’s. The sight of those eyes, so full of lust, is what propels Jim into following Spock’s wish.

“You want harder?” Jim pants, voice full of promise. “I’ll give you harder.”

Spock shivers, and leans up to crush his lips together with Jim’s.

Jim increases his thrusts, making sure his knees have a good grip on the sheets before pistoning in and out of Spock. His hips are frantically knocking against the guy’s own, Spock’s lower body moving further up the harder Jim fucks into him. The guy looks absolutely wracked with pleasure, eyes screwed shut and body tensing with every thrusts. God, Jim can feel the tightening around his cock, can feel how close Spock is to coming, how soon enough he’ll letting out a guttural yell and shooting stripes of cum over himself, and he’ll clench down on Jim’s dick _so hard_ , and then it’ll be Jim’s turn to—

No condom.

He hadn’t put on a condom.

It’s that thought— that one, very bad, should-have-worn-protection, how-could-he-have-done-this— thought, that sends Jim over the edge.

He comes with a loud cry, the release rushing through his veins. The condom thought must have reached Spock too, because he throws his head back and lets out a silent shout, his climax shooting through his body at the same time as Jim. 

Spock’s asshole clenches around his cock, _tight_ , and the next second Jim’s coming; he’s coming and coming and coming, and he empties himself entirely inside of Spock. It goes on for so long Jim doesn’t think he’ll ever stop. Spock too, climaxes, spurts of white substance staining Jim’s stomach and some of his chest, as well as Spock’s own. It fucking burns as it hits Jim’s skin, and he hisses, angling his body so that the next spurt won’t hit him. 

Finally, they both finish, and they’re just lying there, panting. Jim feels so hot still, the sweat on his skin doing little to cool him down. It’s only when he tries to move and feels the stinging on his skin that he realises Spock’s cum is still on him, and maybe that’s why he’s so fucking hot. That, and Spock’s body seems to be a damn furnace.

Jim wipes at the cum, hissing at the heat. “Why is your cum so damn hot?”

Spock languidly looks to Jim’s hand where it’s trying to rub the substance off his own stomach. “Biological differences.” Spock offers.

Jim snorts, and wipes it off on his sheets. “I’m not wiping you off, just so you know.”

“That is quite alright.” Spock pants, his breathing starting to slow. He reaches up to his own stomach and lazily rubs the cum into his chest. 

Jim’s eyes fall shut and he lets out a deep groan.

“You are so fucking sexy.”

Spock hums in reply, not stopping his ministrations. Jim watches for a little while longer, riveted, but is eventually remind that he needs to pull out of Spock.

“It is not necessary?”

Jim hums in response, lifting an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“It is not necessary for you to… remove yourself.”

It takes Jim a moment to figure that one out, but when he does, his eyes alight. He can feel the beginnings of lust simmer under his skin, ready for a second round. Spock’s staring at him, the green flush still present on his cheeks. It really shouldn’t look as good as it does on him, but there’s just something about the offset of pale skin, black hair and green blushes that makes Jim’s insides turn to goo.

“God, I just want to fill you up with my cum.” He murmurs, lightly dragging his teeth along Spock’s jaw. He doesn’t know why, but he’s quickly becoming obsessed with it.

A shiver runs through Spock, and his hole tightens around Jim’s cock. 

Jim lets out a chuckle. “You do like that, don’t you? Me, marking you up from the inside? Filling you with so much cum you can feel it in the back of your throat.”

Spock lets out a moan, and his hands rush up to grip at his arms. Jim feels his dick twitch with interest, but he knows it’s a long way away before he can fuck Spock’s sweet ass again.

“Maybe later.” He suggests, giving Spock’s cheek a kiss.

*

Jim wakes up the next morning feeling sated and entirely too happy for having been woken up by his alarm. His hand falls over his comm, turning off the customary alarm he’s got set for every work morning, and lets out a yawn. He pulls himself up into a sitting position, feeling a twinge of pain in his knees. He rubs at them gently, taking account of the bruises littering his stomach and legs. Well, that’s going to be a distraction all day. 

He looks to Spock, who had hogged the duvet during the night, wrapping it over himself and leaving Jim to burrow up against the guy for warmth. Jim wouldn’t have thought it, but Spock was one hell of a duvet hog. He places a hand on the guy’s shoulder and attempts to gently shake him awake.

“Morning,” Jim murmurs, which is instantly followed by a wide yawn. “We need to be at work in an hour.”

Well, he does. He doesn’t know if Spock has to, but Jim’s not about to leave the guy alone in his house.

Spock curls up under the duvet, lightly shaking his head. It’s strangely cute.

“Come on, Spock,” Jim prompts, pulling at the duvet, “Time to get up, sleeping beauty.”

“I will get ready in my own time.” Spock murmurs, his eyes still shut.

Jim honest to God giggles at the man’s reaction. He’s so grumpy, like a little kid.

Jim slides out of bed, stretching where he’s stood. He then turns around and grabs a hold of the duvet, pulling it off of Spock in one fluid motion

Spock groans, and curls in further on himself. 

Jim chuckles, thinking the situation pretty damn funny. His eyes, however, seem to have a mind of their own, because they trail down over Spock’s naked form. Jim knows he’s got some impressive bruises, but Spock’s got hardly any. It makes him regret not spending more time sucking them into his skin, leaving marks of his own.

The image has Jim’s cock jump in interest, and he can’t help the slow grin that comes over his face. He kneels down on the edge of the bed and drapes his body over Spock.

“Well, if we’re gonna be late,” He murmurs, his voice rough. Jim lets his fingers wander down to Spock’s hole, his middle finger sliding in smoothly. Still loose. “Let’s make sure we’re properly late.”

*

“Good morning!” Jim greets cheerily as he walks into the Parks and Recreation department.

He gets several ‘heys’ and nods in return, as well as one ‘ugh’ from Bones’ office. They all probably see the usual Jim that comes in in the mornings, all chipper and ready for the day.

They have no idea what happened last night.

The thought alone sends a rush of pleasure through him, his smile broadening as he recalls their activities from that morning. Jim wasn’t usually a morning person, but he’s pretty sure that if he started every day with fucking Spock open as the guy sobbed from ecstasy into the crook of his neck, he’d be more open to the idea of it. 

_Also_ he found out that apparently hands are erogenous zones for Vulcans, and the fact that he never learnt that has Jim wanting to write in to the local school and have them implement it into the curriculum. He doesn’t care if it’s in the Xenocultural class or Sex Education, as long as _people know_.

Jim’s just taken his seat at his desk when Bones appears at his office’s door. “Don’t get settled just yet, Jim. You know we’ve got a meeting with the state auditors this morning.”

“But that’s in half an hour.” Jim frowns.

“Yeah, but we’ll need that extra half hour to practice your patience.”

Jim rolls his eyes. “Very funny, Bones.”

“I’m serious.” The guy says firmly. “We can’t have you walking out of another meeting, or they’ll just stop inviting you.”

Honestly, Jim knows that’s possible, he’s just decided not to think about it until it happens. Actually, he’s kind of surprised it hasn’t happened yet. He’s walked out of two meeting with Spock and Hikaru, and he’d think that would warrant them to bar him from any further discussions with them.

“I think we might do okay today.” Jim nods.

Bones sends him a curious look, but Jim doesn’t acknowledge it. He really does think they might do okay today. Maybe even better than okay. He and Spock fucked, that’s got to mean something, right? They clearly started off on the wrong foot, but now they can go into the meetings anew, with new perspectives, new ideas, a fresh page.

God, he’s starting to sound like Hikaru.

Jim shakes his head and pulls open his drawer, but before he can take out his PADD Bones’ voice interrupts.

“I’m serious, Jim. Practice in patience happening now, in my office.”

“Bones—“

“Now, Jim.” Bones says with finality.

Jim looks to his friend for a long moment, then sighs. He stands from his seat, moodily making his way over to Bones’ office.

“I just want you to know you’re a jerk.”

“Duly noted.” Bones nods, and shuts the office door behind them.

*

They’re holding the meeting in a different conference room this time around, not the Parks and Recreation’s one like all previous times. It’s not much different from their own, only slight bigger and with less personal artwork on the wall. Jim and Bones walk in to find Hikaru and Spock already there, sat next to each other opposite two empty seats.

Jim and Bones walk up to the table, and offer nods of greetings.

“Hey.” Jim says, giving Spock a small smile.

The guy nods his head in return. “Jim. If you would take a seat, please.”

Jim does so, pulling out his chair and sliding into it. He laces his hands on the desk and looks between Spock and Hikaru. “So where are we starting?”

Hikaru bites his lip. “I’d like to go over your personnel again.”

Jim immediately tenses. “Absolutely not.”

“Jim.” Bones says, and he should really have learnt by now that that warning tone has no effect on him when his department is being threatened.

“No, you know my standpoint on firing personnel; it can’t happen.”

“You have remained immovable on every single subject we have attempted to discuss.” Spock interjects, eyes locked on Jim.

“No, I haven’t.” Jim scoffs.

“Yes, you have.” Hikaru adds, looking serious.

“I…” Jim tries to argue, but remembers that every single thing they had offered to change within his department he’d vehemently fought again. From expenses, to luxuries, to payslips— he’d gone against them on every single point.

“You see?” Hikaru says, pursing his lips. “Jim, believe me when I say we’re not trying to completely wreck your department, but you seem to think that everything we suggest is an attempt to do just that.”

“But everything you’re suggesting will alter it in some negative manner.”

“And that’s not our fault.”

“You’re the one suggesting the changes.” Jim fires back.

“The only reason we’re even trying to suggest something, and even include you in what we’ll work out for your department, is because we know this gridlock wasn’t because of you. It was because of your government, and because they didn’t tell you anything about what was happening with the town’s money, you kept on spending it without a single thought. You thought you’d always have the same budget the next term, and the one following that, and the one following that, but unfortunately that’s not the case.” Hikaru concludes with a huff.

The ensuing silence is very awkward.

Jim’s never heard the guy talk at such lengths, nor get this close to losing his temper. He didn’t even get angry or anything, he just wasn’t being the positive, civil guy Jim had come to know.

“I’m sorry I snapped.” Hikaru says eventually, looking uncomfortable.

“It’s okay, you…” Jim begins, then awkwardly finishes, “It’s okay.”

“Jim, in order for us to successfully establish a plan for your department’s budget you must negotiate.” Spock says slowly.

“I don’t want to _negotiate_ ,” Jim sighs, feeling tired all of a sudden.

It’s evident that Spock is trying to keep control of his frustration. “You are… a most frustrating individual.”

“Thank you.” Jim tells him, but even that comes out sounding empty.

“How about we take a break, guys?” Hikaru says softly.

Jim nods, rubbing at his head. They’ve barely even started, but he couldn’t agree more. “That sounds like a great idea.”

*

During the break Jim and Bones head back to their department, the stroll eerily quiet. Usually they’d be bickering about the meeting, Jim going on about how terrible the state auditors are, but this time he’s just… quiet. Bones doesn’t comment on it, and for once Jim is grateful. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling so tired all of a sudden. 

His mind keeps replaying Hikaru’s rant, and he can’t get over how the guy had snapped in his own way, laying out the facts of the situation. Facts that, Jim is ashamed to say, he didn’t really pay much attention to. He’d been so busy being on the defense and trying to protect his team from being broken up that he hadn’t actually looked at the finer details as to _why_ they’d landed in this position, why he felt the need to keep them out of harms’ way.

When they walk into their department’s office Jim sees his team standing around one another in a small circle.

“Hey, guys,” He greets weakly.

All three of them turn, and they look like they’ve been caught doing something they shouldn’t have. Both Jim and Bones come to a slow halt, and Bones even crosses his arms over his chest.

“What’s going on here?” He asks.

Uhura, Scotty and Chekov continue to stare at the two of them for time, and it’s only when the silence is beginning to become unbearable that Uhura clears her throat and steps up.

“We’ve… we’ve been talking about this situation Enterprise is in, and we…” They all look to each other, some sort of unvoiced message passing between them. “We think that, maybe, the state auditors are right.”

Jim stills. “You’re joking, right?”

“They’re only trying to help, Jim.” Uhura counters, voice taking on a pleading edge.

Scotty adds in his own opinion. “Aye, they would nae be here otherwise. Maybe it’d do us some good to listen to them.”

Jim looks between the two of them, eyes narrowed. “Why?” He asks quietly.

“They’re nae bad, Jim. Nae bad at all. That Sulu bloke especially.”

“Sulu is… how you say? Pretty badass.” Chekov inputs.

Jim has to snort at that. This kid, honestly.

Uhura nods. “Yeah, he is pretty badass. He’s damn positive for sure, and he seems like a hard worker. Did you know he’s got a husband and kid?”

“No, I didn’t.” Jim says, glancing over at her.

“Name’s Demora,” Bones adds, and that’s a surprise. “Think she’s about Joanna’s age, maybe younger.”

“You met her?” Jim asks, eyebrows furrowed.

Bones shakes his head. “No. We just got talking.”

Jim continues to stare at his friend, unable to stop. It’s extremely rare to get Bones involved in anything productive when it comes to the government, yet alone the people who are the exact opposite of what he believes.

“You know, just because the guy himself is nice doesn’t mean he’s doing nice things.” Jim states.

“We know that, Jimmy, but it’s a job that needs to be done just like any other.” Uhura says. “It’s not always going to be glamorous. You know how many times we’ve tried to get something done, something for the good of the city, and we’ve received major backlash?”

“Then we must hold public forum,” Chekov adds, rolling his eyes. “Which, my doctor say is not good for my heart. Perhaps I should sit out next one.”

“Nice try,” Jim quips.

The kid shrugs. “Is worth a try, no?”

“Aye lad,” Scotty assures Chekov, clapping him on the back. “It was a good attempt.”

“Jim, I know you love your job, we all do, and we’re lucky that our jobs aren’t really hurting anyone. But Hikaru and Spock… I’m pretty sure they don’t love their jobs, but someone’s got to do it.” Uhura finishes softly.

Jim nods along, thinking of her words. She is right. Spock and Hikaru may not like their jobs, but someone has to do it. Jim can’t imagine the kind of shit they get from people, departments like theirs who are opposed to everything they bring up when really, they’re just doing their job. It’s surprising Sulu manages to stay so positive in his line of work. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism to block out the negative.

Wow, that thought took a dark turn.

“So… you guys would be okay with losing your jobs?” Jim ventures.

Scotty scoffs. “Get tae fuck.”

“I’m planning on rioting.” Uhura informs him.

“I already do not get paid, I am okay with not getting paid at home.” Chekov shrugs.

“Real sorry about that Chekov, we’ve been trying to change that.” Jim says, clapping the kid on the shoulder. He really has been trying to get the city council to give Chekov some kind of payment, but his efforts have been futile.

Now, he understands why.

Uhura is shaking her head, a tender smile on her lips. “We definitely won’t be happy about losing our jobs, but Jim… if I have to stop getting paid just so that Enterprise can recover, I’m willing to do that. I mean I can’t come into work as usual, but I can still do stuff from the outside. I can still help.”

Chekov points at Uhura, nodding along in agreement. “Yes.”

Jim bites his lips, his eyes furrowing as he thinks over what they’ve all just told him. 

So they absolutely will not be happy about losing their jobs, but if it were to happen they’re still intent on working and helping the town out somehow. It’s a real selfless move of them, and he’s proud. He really is. He knows he’ll easily give up his job if it comes to that, but only if no one else in his department gets fired. These guys though… they’re willing to let go of their jobs and their money if it helps Enterprise.

They’re such damn good people Jim can’t believe they exist. Can’t believe that he gets to know them, gets to work with them closely and call them his friends.

Taking a steadying breath, Jim decides to swallow his pride.

*

Jim heads over to the temporary office the state auditors have been given, bringing with him nothing but himself. The door’s open, but Jim chooses to knock on it anyway. The rap of his knuckles against the wood has Hikaru looking up, and his face alights when he spots him.

“Jim! Come on in!” Hikaru greets cheerily, waving him inside.

Jim steps inside, shooting the man a small smile. He notices Spock sat at a table in the back corner, PADDs spread around him. He offers him a quick nod, then turns back to Hikaru.

The man’s already talking, smile wide. “It’s good to see you, man. I do just want to check that you’re feeling okay.”

Jim frowns and nods slowly. “I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“Well I thought maybe you were feeling ill or something. Today was the first meeting where you didn’t storm out.” Hikaru chuckles.

Jim feels his face heat up from embarrassment. He… really was a bit too dramatic. “Yeah, I um… sorry about that.” He says awkwardly.

“No worries. It may be bad when I’m at the end of it, but I do admire your passion.” Hikaru says kindly.

“Oh, thanks, man. I really appreciate that.” Jim tells him with a shy smile. “I… yeah, I’ve been told I’ve got tons of it.” 

“No doubt.” Hikaru grins, hands on his hips. “So. What can I do for you?”

"I actually need to talk to Spock for a minute.” Jim can’t see the guy, but he’s pretty sure he’s staring right at his back.

“Of course, that’s not a problem.” Hikaru assures him.

“In private.” Jim adds, glancing back at Spock who— yep, is already looking at him. “Will the hallway do for you?”

“It is adequate.” Spock replies, already standing.

Hikaru nods at them both. “Alright then, I’ll let you gentlemen talk it out.”

Jim strolls back into the hallway, Spock following closely after. He leads them further away from the office until he’s sure they’re out of hearing range, then turns to Spock.

“Do you have time to grab lunch at the same time?”

Spock stares at Jim, his expression giving nothing away. Finally, he says, “I can spare thirty minutes for a meal.”

“Great.” Jim nods.

*

The weather outside is more than decent for an outside lunch. The air is a little chilly, but the coldness is evened out by the warmth of the suns’ rays falling down over them. 

Jim and Spock are sat at one of the tables in the buildings square, each of them sitting with their own meal. Jim’s got a chicken sandwich and coffee, and Spock has soup and a bottle of water. Jim spares a thought for how much liquid the guy is consuming, then remembers that due to some error with the replicators all the food in the canteen was either soup or sandwiches. 

He watches as Spock silently spoons the soup and brings it to his mouth, swallowing easily before ladling another spoonful. His delicate fingers are wrapped around the single cutlery, and Jim thinks it so odd that a limb that’s regularly used for pretty much anything from writing letters to kneading bread can also be an erogenous zone. How do Vulcans get anything done? 

Could they differentiate between different materials, like cloth, metal, or flesh? What about between sentient and non-sentient beings? If Spock placed his hands on an AI that had been constructed to resemble a Human with all the appropriate parts, would he experience stimulation or would he not feel anything?

No, back on focus Jim!

He shook his head, ridding himself of those thoughts. Now wasn’t the time to ponder sexual theories in regards to Vulcan erogenous zone. Now was the time to actually talk things through with Spock. Jim turns to the man, noting that he’s almost done with his soup.

Well, might as well get straight to it.

“Listen, Spock,” Jim begins, putting down his half-eaten sandwich. “I’m sorry I acted the way I did. All those times we met. I know it was out of order, but…” He breaks off with a sigh. “I don’t think you understand how much of a threat you are to my department.”

“I keep reminding you Jim, it is not I nor Hikaru who are the threats, but the people who caused you to end up in this situation. Namely, your government and mayor.” Spock recites, _again_.

“Sure, sure, I get that, but when they send two people who say they’re going to cut our budget by half it’s difficult not to take my anger out on them.” Jim argues, then stops himself. No, getting into another fight isn’t the right way out. “Look, I know that it’s not the right way to behave, but I’m very protective of my team.”

“I am well aware of that.” Spock comments, having abandoned his food in favour of talking to Jim.

“You making these slashes like they’re nothing really hits us hard, and I don’t think you would be doing it if you knew anything about my department. I mean, have you ever been part of a government body before?”

“I have.” Spock admits.

At that Jim lifts an eyebrow. “Really?”

Spock inclines his head. “My father is the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth and so I spent much of childhood and adulthood in a political environment.”

Jim’s mouth drops open. “Are you telling me your dad is S’chn T’gai Sarek?”

“Indeed.”

Jim keeps staring at Spock, unable to comprehend what the guy has just said. _S’chn T’gai Sarek._ As in the guy— no, _hero_ — who played a key role in furthering relations between Earth and Vulcan, not only through his policies and efforts, but also because he’d married a Human woman. That had been huge news when it first happened, and Sarek had been the one of the few Vulcans that Starfleet had readily agreed to negotiate with, since at this time the planet still had a reputation of being extremely xenophobic.

Sarek had essentially changed the game when it came to Earth-Vulcan relations, and if it weren’t for him Earth for sure would’ve been way behind in its technological advances in comparison to other planets. Sarek was also just the youngest _S’chn T’gai_ to make his debut into the political world, kicking up a storm with his no-nonsense attitude when dealing with diplomatic negotiations. Rumour has it that he inherited that trait from a member of his clan, T’Pau of Vulcan, a Vulcan Council members as well as the only person to ever turn down a seat on the Federation Council. 

Now _that_ had been a shitstorm back in the day, and even though Jim had been nowhere near being born then, he’d heard about it relentlessly all throughout university. The entire family were known politically as being heavyweights in the game.

“Holy shit.” Jim breathes.

“Therefore you know that I have extensive experience with working within government bodies.”

“I… honestly, I didn’t expect that.”

“Not many do.”

Jim quirks a smile. “But then… how did you end up balancing budgets for a living?”

“I enjoy calculating numbers.” Spock explains simply.

Jim is waiting for the guy to go on, but when it’s clear that’s it he asks, “That’s it?”

Spock gives a curt nod.

“Huh.”

“It is not the answer you expected?”

“Not really.” Jim admits with a thoughtful look.

Spock sets down his spoon and makes sure to hold Jim’s gaze in his own. “Jim, I realise you are incredibly protective of your department, but you cannot be biased in a situation like this. It is important that you learn how to make logical decisions, and quickly, else the population will lose its trust in you. Some of these may be what you Humans deem ‘harsh’, but they are necessary as they show you are responsible person. It is the only way you can rise up through the department and gain enough momentum to one day run for office.”

Jim perks up at the small speech. How did Spock know he wanted to run for office? He was pretty sure he hadn’t told the guy. 

Something must have shown on his face, because Spock replies, “People with passions like yours are always striving to exceed themselves. However, no one will elect you unless you prove you are a responsible adult.”

The words have Jim falling into a pensive silence.

*

So his team may have been right.

Jim can admit that. Sure, it took him a while to get around to it, but the important thing is that he _can_ admit it. 

They’re in this situation because their government put them there. That’s all there is to it. The state auditors were sent to Enterprise because of the situation they had been put into. That’s all there is to it. And they budgets cuts were necessary because that’s the only way the town can get back on its feet. That’s all there is to it.

Even though it’s simply spelt out, Jim can’t get rid of the feeling of having failed. He knows he hasn’t, not really because there wasn’t anything for him to fail in at the first place, but this inability to help just won’t disappear. That’s the reason he got into government work, so that he could help people, help the public. And now that he can’t do anything…

Well, it sucks. It sucks real bad.

*

Jim knocks on Bones’ door, letting himself in before the guy can tell him to leave. “Hey, Bones.”

“You know, Jim, the reason that door is closed is so that people will _not_ come through into my office.” The man retorts, throwing him a glare.

“Cry me a river.” Jim tells him half-heartedly. “Listen. I’ve told the team that we’re going to negotiate with the state auditors.”

That catches Bones’ attention. “Are we?”

“We are.” Jim affirms. “Though technically, as the head of department only you can legally make that decision.”

Bones turns to Jim, tilting his head. “You’re giving in too easily.”

“You think so?” Jim asks innocently.

Bones narrows his eyes. “What’ve you got for me, Jim.”

Jim’s lips quirk up into a smile. He’s a terrible actor when it comes to his department apparently. “Okay, so it’s not an ace up the sleeve or anything, _but_ , if we want to have some say in where the budget cuts are going in the department we need to show that we care.”

“We do care. Hikaru himself said that he saw how hard you worked to put together the auction event.”

“Yeah, but that was Hikaru. We need to convince Spock.”

“That guy…” Bones mutters.

“I know he’s not your favourite person— though honestly I don’t know if anyone even is— but he’s the being we need to convince the most. He’s the realistic one, the one who likes numbers, logistics, statistics, all that stuff more than the spoken word. He wants facts, and evidence.”

“Right…” Bones drawls questioningly. “And how’re we going to give him that?”

“We’re going to need to fix up a plan— our own plan— on how we’re going to implement the budget cuts. It needs to include where we’ll be slashing costs, how much, for how long, and all those things. Our department’s budget will still get cut, there’s no getting out of that, but at least this way we have some say in what’s going to happen.”

“And when does this need to be done by?” Bones asks suspiciously.

“In three days.” Jim reveals, biting his lip.

Bones stares at Jim, his eyes never straying from his face. Jim returns the look full on, letting the man finish whatever it is he’s trying to figure out from his expression, stance, clothes— whatever.

Eventually nods, then scratches his cheek. “I’m going to need a helluva lot of coffee.”

*

Coffee turns out to be just the first on an endless list of items they need.

Jim has no idea where they get all the materials from, he has no idea how much he’s spending from his own personal pocket, he has no idea how many hours he’s been awake, he has no idea about anything except for the fact that it is absolute hell.

The entire project was so last minute he knew there were bound to be some problems that they’d quickly have to brainstorm in order to fix, things like the concept of time just getting in their way. Usually Jim loves projects like this, putting together a neat, organised, well-researched and colour-coded folder which he can be proud of, but this… this is awful.

He was really worried they wouldn’t be able to finish in time, shit like the printer not having ink getting in their way, the wifi suddenly cutting off, and somehow, _somehow_ a raccoon finds its way into the office again. It’s awful, and Jim’s just glad Chekov was there so he could take care of the beast. 

He’s so stressed he can’t see straight. His vision has gone blurry and his mind is thumping, but he can’t allow himself to sleep until they’ve finished this project. He and Bones have worked their fingers bloody trying to get it done in time, and with the deadline being so close it’s a miracle they manage to put something together in time. Jim’s just praying he did the calculations right. They must be since he ran them through the department’s computer three times, but there’s still a niggling voice in the back of his head saying he could still fuck this up.

He could still fuck this up.

_He can’t fuck this up._

*

“Alright, we’re heading off to meet with the state auditors! Wish us luck!” Jim calls to the department, already making his way towards the door. He’s got his hands on a hot cup of strong coffee, and the meeting with Hikaru and Spock will be starting in twenty minutes.

He wants to be there early so he can go over the pitch one last time with Bones. They’ve already gone through it like twenty times, and Jim’s pretty sure he can recite it in his sleep by now— which, wow, yeah, he’s really looking forward to sleeping after this.

“Just a minute, Jim!” Uhura calls, opening up her drawer. Jim sees her remove something from it, a book of sorts, then hurry over towards him.

“What’s this?” He asks when she comes to a stop before him.

“Is surprise.” Chekov answers, coming to stand next to her. He’s got a wide, shit-eating grin on his face and it makes Jim very nervous.

“Okay…?”

“Here, just check it out.” Uhura says, holding out to him.

Jim accepts the book, well, folder apparently, like it’s a bomb. It’s not very heavy, but it’s not very light either. He flips open to the first page and scowls at what he reads.

“ _’Enterprise Music Festival’_?”

“Surprise!” Chekov hoots, clapping his hands together.

“I… don’t get it.” Jim frowns, looking up at them. “What is this?”

Suddenly Scotty runs into the room, flustered and out of breath. “Did I miss it?”

“He’s opened it just now, babe. Come here,” Uhura smiles, holding her hand out to him. Scotty beams and takes her hand, coming round to stand next to her.

“Guys, seriously; what is this?”

Uhura catches Chekov and Scotty’s eyes, and she’s already grinning brightly before she’s started in on her explanation. “So, we all know that you and McCoy spent the last few days working on a budget plan for the state auditors.”

Jim immediately looks guilty, but that doesn’t stop him from vehemently denying, “No, we _didn’t_ —“

“Jim you were practically locked up in his office for three days straight and only came out for coffee.” Uhura deadpans, throwing him an unimpressed look.

“Also you kept muttering ‘must finish budget plan’ when you walk to coffee machine.” Chekov adds. “I think it was motivation for yourself.”

Well. Busted.

“Uhh…” Jim utters, then sighs. “Alright, fine. Yeah, we were working on a budget plan for the department.”

Uhura beams at him, and continues right where she left off, “Well, we knew you were doing that, and we felt kind of bad that we couldn’t help. We were actually thinking of offering our helping when Scotty here said that we should think ahead.”

“Success lies in the future.” The man nodded proudly.

“Sure. So we thought, how can we help out now but whilst also thinking ahead? And we came up with this,” She gestures at the folder in Jim’s hand. “It’s a plan on how to put money back into the town: a music festival.”

“Is music festival for young people, but old is also allowed. Just bring ID.” Chekov winks.

“The whole idea was that since we don’t have that much money in the city, we can make use of the city’s artists and musicians, even comedians. So like the musician would charge us a small fee to be part of the event and play their music, and then we’ll encourage visitors to donate to the musician if they like them. This way the musician earns as much as the audience feels that they’re worth, and we also get actual musicians to play.”

“Is going to be much bigger, of course. From Uhura’s description it sound too small— it not small at all.” Chekov adds, throwing Uhura an accusing glare.

“We’ve added in all the necessary details you’d need, such as health and safety forms, risk assessments, costs, ticket pricing, food, toilets, marketing and advertising; you name it, it’s in there.” Scotty inputs.

Jim’s just continuously been flipping through the folder, scanning the pages full of information. They’d really done it. It was all here. Costs, budgeting, sponsorships, food, toilets, security, ticket pricing; it was all _here_.

“You guys…” Jim says, almost tearing up.

“Bring it, bud,” Uhura says, encircling him in a hug, and the others quickly join in. Jim can’t hug them back properly but he can use one free hand to pat them on the shoulder, keeping a tight grip of the folder with his other one.

They’re stood like that for several seconds, hugging as a group, when footsteps approach, then stop, and a sudden familiar gruff voice announces, “I don’t even want to know.”

*

“… and this suggested budget plan reduces our overall budget by 35%.”

Hikaru’s been nodding along since the beginning of their presentation, and Jim’s convinced by the awed expression on his face that he’s sold. Jim dares a glance at Spock, and sees he's as blank as a board.

“Well?” He hedges. He’s actually quite nervous, which is weird, because when they were practicing the pitch his faith in himself had been extraordinary.

Now though…

Spock gives them a curt nod, and declares, “Your budget plan is more than sufficient.”

Jim feels a surge of relief course through his body. A wide groan makes its way onto his face. “Awesome.”

Bones clears his throat, and Jim looks to him. The man motions at the second folder sitting in front of Jim, and he remembers the department’s event pitch. 

“Actually, we’ve got something else we’d like to show you guys.”

“I’m all ears.” Hikaru says, smiling encouragingly.

Jim returns it, and opens up the folder. He goes through the pitch his team had given them, giving a brief overview of the music festival idea and saying that if Hikaru wants to know more he should talk further with the Parks and Recreation department since they’re the ones who put it together.

Hikaru is flipping through the pages, his eyes scanning all the text and pictures as he goes along. Spock, surprisingly, hasn’t made a move for the folder.

“I don’t like this plan…” Sulu says uncertainly. Jim frowns, and is about to start in on several reasons at why it’s really an amazing plan, when the man exclaims with a grin, “I love it!”

“Oh.” Jim breathes, surprised. That’s… okay.

“Jim, Leonard; this plan is incredibly doable. It could bring in some seriously good revenue to the town.”

“You think so?” Jim asks, a feeling of elation coming over him.

“I really do.” Hikaru nods. “I especially like the bit that details how you can use social media to reach out to the neighbouring towns and cities. It’ll increase the revenue and there won’t be any extra costs spent on it.”

“And let’s not mention that it reaches a very wide audience as well as being young people’s most preferred method of communication.” Bones inputs, and dear God, there’s actually a small smile on the man’s face.

“Exactly.” Jim adds. “Also there won’t be that much money spent on advertising since we’re thinking of using fliers and distributing them at hotspots such as underground clubs, ad stands in the cities, and preferably university bulletin boards.”

“Wonderful.” Hikaru grins.

“So you’ll approve of it?” Bones inquiries.

Hikaru turns to Spock and holds out the folder to him. “You want to give it a look?”

However, Spock’s eyes are locked entirely on Jim’s. 

“No.” He says, never breaking their gaze. “I trust your judgement.”

*

It’s just passed three o’clock and Bones has kicked Jim out of the office, telling him to get some damn sleep before he keels over. Jim thinks it’s very hypocritical of Bones to say that when he too hasn’t slept in like three days, but then he sees the man gathering his own things and realises that he actually is about to head home. Bones lives a twenty minute drive away from their work building, but since he hasn’t slept in days it’d be hazardous of him to drive.

“Call him a taxi,” Jim whispers to Uhura who is on her comm.

“Already on it.” She returns, winking.

Jim smiles at her, infinitely glad that he’s got her on his team. Giving the whole department a wave and shouted ‘goodbye’, Jim heads out of the building, intending to walk the fifteen minutes to his house.

When he gets outside, however, he finds Spock there waiting.

“Hello.” Jim utters, surprised.

Spock inclines his head in reply. “May I walk you home, Jim?”

Jim feels a blush coming on, but he nods. “You may.”

Spock falls into step next to Jim, and together they silently head away from the building.

“I had a chance to review the event pitch your department created.” Spock opens after a few minutes of quiet strolling.

Jim grins, and peers at Spock. “So you looked through it after all?”

“I was curious.”

“Well?” Jim prompts. “How did you like it?”

“You were correct in being protective of your department. They are incredibly diligent.”

Jim feels his chest swell with pride. “Aren’t they though?”

“If you are not careful, they will get lured away elsewhere.” Spock quips, and Jim thinks he hears a trace of amusement in the guy’s voice.

Jim scoffs. “That’ll never happen.”

“You seem awfully sure of that.”

“Course, I’m sure. They’re going to stick with me all the way through when I run for office. They’re going to be my team, I need them.”

Spock shoots him a curious glance, quietly observing Jim for several seconds.

“I believe you will do well when that time comes.” He reveals.

“'Cause of my team?” Jim jests.

“Yes, but also because of you as a candidate.”

Jim’s smile widens. He wonders is Spock’s just saying that or if he truly believes it. The guy’s seen the force that is the Parks and Recreation team, surely they must have changed his opinion on them. Spock probably thought they were just another department whose budget he’d need to slash, but Jim likes to think that they made quite the impression on the guy.

“So what’re some Vulcan swear words?” Jim asks suddenly.

He sees Spock’s eyes slide shut, and he can just imagine the guy counting down from ten.

The rest of the walk over to Jim’s house goes over Spock’s belief that teaching swear words has no benefit at all, and Jim resolutely arguing against it and using his very wide vocabulary to prove so. Spock says it doesn’t prove anything, and Jim says they’ll just have to agree to disagree.

He’s really getting good at winding Spock up, but Jim can see there’s traces of fondness in the guy’s reactions. Jim isn’t trying to be insulting in any way, but just the way he approaches arguments and discussions is very illogical. It must drive Spock up the wall, but the guy’s not given up, and for that Jim admires him. Spock’s actually quite passionate for a Vulcan, but Jim doesn’t say so. He’s pretty sure the guy would take offense at that.

They finally reach Jim’s house, and together they meander up to the front door, walking the same path they’d taken just a few days earlier. 

Jim takes out his keys and asks Spock, “So you want to come inside so I can fuck you over my kitchen counter this time around?”

Spock’s eyes widen perceptively and his breath hitches. A moment passes, then he slowly licks his lips and says, “I would not be averse to that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Finally finished the oneshot I was talking about! :D Turned out to be 112 pages, but I could not for the life of me cut it down. This was combining two of my favourite TV shows; Parks & Rec and Star Trek
> 
> I absolutely loved writing this, and I do know that it's not my best work but in this case I don't really care because it was just so much fun. If there is anything wrong though, and you feel it could be changed, you're more than free to tell me, I'm always accepting of constructive crticism :) Also I do know the writing style is very fast-paced in this fic, but I thought it needed to be that way because Parks & Rec itself is a very quick, fast-paced show. Anyway, as always thank you for taking the time to read this and hope you enjoyed it!
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I the title is a line from the episode 'Go Big or Go Home' which this chapter is loosely based on :)


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